I have gone girl crazy. I'm pretty sure every girl knows what I am talking about because they have been through it before. I'm even more sure guys know what I am talking about and have been victimized by girl craziness.
Girl Crazy basically happens when you are female and are bored, have PMS, are sad, are on birth control, like a boy or are lonely.
Some of the side-effects of girl crazy are:
-Sending the one extra text you know you shouldn't have sent.
-Mentioning something about the life you are envisioning with someone you just met.
-Starting a fight with a male for no reason.
-Starting a fight with your boyfriend cause your friend's boyfriend did something really romantic for your friend.
-Over-analyzing every conversation you have had.
-Lying about something of absolutely no consequence.
-Being mad at a significant other for a poor choice they made in a dream you had.
-Becoming irrationally insecure, needy, or jealous.
-Facebook stalking.
-Wanting to maim or kill another girl for no reason other than she may be a threat.
What sucks about catching girl craziness, at least for me, is there is a rational person inside my head who is intelligent, confident, and cool who knows exactly what to do and what not to do. I don't know what happens exactly, maybe I have had some drinks, maybe I am tired or bored, but that rational cool girl completely goes to hide in a closet just long enough to allow me to do or say something stupid. Then she comes back out just after the deed is done.
There is no debate in my head about whether or not I should do or say something. I just do it, knowing in the back of my mind I shouldn't, then instantly realize it was a mistake.
That is girl crazy.
I must say, the accessibility and immediateness of text messages makes this more possible. Being able to stare at your phone for hours just to come up with something crazy to send to someone is just too easy. People that used to be cool, like myself, instantly become complete retards.
Guys beware. Give us second chances, not all of us are crazy. Technology has just made it soooo easy to throw out whatever red flags we have long before you are willing to accept them.
No, I am not going to tell my story of how I went crazy, just know that I did. It didn't have a good result. Girls, try to maintain a rational mind as much as you can.
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
On Election Day 2016, think of me
In honor of the election coming up, I decided I'd promote myself via this blog as a candidate for president.
Dear citizens of the world, (although if you are not a U.S. citizen you don't get the opportunity to vote for me, however I'll send you posters of myself to put up in American bars and restaurants abroad so you still feel involved in my campaign) I am Erin and I am the best choice for president in the 2016 election. As president, I cannot actually make anybody promises to do anything. Being the president of the U.S. means that basically I have a thousand people smarter than myself looking over my shoulder and criticizing everything I do. I have spoken to former presidents before and they all say that sucks, especially when the people around you have been up all night dealing with a crisis and haven't had the opportunity to shower or brush their teeth.
So instead of making promises, here are some things that I want to do, and hopefully you believe I can do:
- I'd like to delegate all non-domestic issues to NATO. I think they have done a good job in the past, and I like the premise they were founded on. To clarify, it is not that I don't care about international issues, its just I think things like that are global issues and not just a problem for America and its allies to take on single-handedly. We've got our own shit going on too. Sorry bro.
- I'd like to find out who is the best world leader. To do this, I will try to set up a special "World Leaders" season of the hit show "Survivor" with no voting people off. The idea is to make it kind-of like The Hunger Games. The winner gets an awesome t-shirt signed by everyone in the world. (Please work on your extremely small penmanship), and the losers die.
-I will be spending a lot of my time as president with the FDA people. Together we will find a way to manufacture calorie-free macaroni and cheese.
-Every U.S. citizen will continued to be required to pay taxes. (Sorry people). However, those taxes will go to NASA, social services, the FDA, the arts, medical research and my salary.
-I want to be clear about a very important point that takes up a lot of conversation in bars. I will NOT be legalizing marijuana. As president, I will veto it every time. I hate the smell, and high people act like retards, and I just can't have all the FDA people eating the calorie-free mac and cheese. I know this will be disappointing to a lot of people. As a compromise, there will be no jail time for smoking pot, however you will get ticketed with a hefty fine for smoking it in public. There will only be jail time for selling pot to teenagers and kids, coming to work high, or driving high. Again, sorry bro.
-I promise to cry on the job...frequently. I know that some people see crying as a sign of weakness, especially if you are a woman at work, however I think if you are president, it is important to cry. You don't want a president giving a speech to the country about global tragedies and feel absolutely nothing. I feel a lot. I am also on new birth control, so I feel more than usual. Expect me to cry at the sad stuff, and at the hard stuff. Remember, crying wont effect my ability to make decisions, I have hundreds of people working for me to do that very thing.
In conclusion, I think after hearing (reading) my speech, I'm sure we are all in agreement that I, Erin, am the best possible candidate for president. Please vote for me 2016. I will be 33 by that time, and probably much much more mature.
Dear citizens of the world, (although if you are not a U.S. citizen you don't get the opportunity to vote for me, however I'll send you posters of myself to put up in American bars and restaurants abroad so you still feel involved in my campaign) I am Erin and I am the best choice for president in the 2016 election. As president, I cannot actually make anybody promises to do anything. Being the president of the U.S. means that basically I have a thousand people smarter than myself looking over my shoulder and criticizing everything I do. I have spoken to former presidents before and they all say that sucks, especially when the people around you have been up all night dealing with a crisis and haven't had the opportunity to shower or brush their teeth.
So instead of making promises, here are some things that I want to do, and hopefully you believe I can do:
- I'd like to delegate all non-domestic issues to NATO. I think they have done a good job in the past, and I like the premise they were founded on. To clarify, it is not that I don't care about international issues, its just I think things like that are global issues and not just a problem for America and its allies to take on single-handedly. We've got our own shit going on too. Sorry bro.
- I'd like to find out who is the best world leader. To do this, I will try to set up a special "World Leaders" season of the hit show "Survivor" with no voting people off. The idea is to make it kind-of like The Hunger Games. The winner gets an awesome t-shirt signed by everyone in the world. (Please work on your extremely small penmanship), and the losers die.
-I will be spending a lot of my time as president with the FDA people. Together we will find a way to manufacture calorie-free macaroni and cheese.
-Every U.S. citizen will continued to be required to pay taxes. (Sorry people). However, those taxes will go to NASA, social services, the FDA, the arts, medical research and my salary.
-I want to be clear about a very important point that takes up a lot of conversation in bars. I will NOT be legalizing marijuana. As president, I will veto it every time. I hate the smell, and high people act like retards, and I just can't have all the FDA people eating the calorie-free mac and cheese. I know this will be disappointing to a lot of people. As a compromise, there will be no jail time for smoking pot, however you will get ticketed with a hefty fine for smoking it in public. There will only be jail time for selling pot to teenagers and kids, coming to work high, or driving high. Again, sorry bro.
-I promise to cry on the job...frequently. I know that some people see crying as a sign of weakness, especially if you are a woman at work, however I think if you are president, it is important to cry. You don't want a president giving a speech to the country about global tragedies and feel absolutely nothing. I feel a lot. I am also on new birth control, so I feel more than usual. Expect me to cry at the sad stuff, and at the hard stuff. Remember, crying wont effect my ability to make decisions, I have hundreds of people working for me to do that very thing.
In conclusion, I think after hearing (reading) my speech, I'm sure we are all in agreement that I, Erin, am the best possible candidate for president. Please vote for me 2016. I will be 33 by that time, and probably much much more mature.
Monday, October 29, 2012
Spooky! HALLOWEEN! LOL! OMG- I heart Edward Cullen!!!
An important part of growing up, as I understand it, is acting like an adult. This, of course, does not mean we aren't all children at heart, however it does mean that in some places adults should behave as such.
Once of these places is in the workplace. This, in my opinion, is why Halloween decorations in an office is completely unacceptable. Unless there are kids coming to the office, or if you work in the medical field, specifically one that caters to pediatrics, Halloween decorations are a no go.
I have always hated Halloween. It scares me. I think people in masks are creepy and I try to avoid Halloween parades or crowded bars on the holiday because if I were to kill someone, I would do it on Halloween. Think about it. Let's say you, the victim, or if you didn't survive long enough to talk to the police, the witnesses would tell them "Oh, we were all just standing there and out of nowhere Richard Nixxon came and stabbed her". Not very helpful.
Other Halloween costumes without masks are fine, who cares? Sometimes they are funny. Masks should be outlawed.
Back to my original point, Halloween decorations in an office are unacceptable unless they are funny and you work in a funny environment.
One co-worker that I already hated, I call her Wigface, has decorated her tiny office with fake spiderwebs with spiders, a plastic glowing pumpkin, a kindergarten classroom's decoration of a ghost saying "Spooooky!" and a witch hat on her bookshelf. Listen bitch, it was bad enough when you hung up the "Team Edward" calendar in your office in full view of everyone that walked by, but now you should be fired. (For those of you that don't know, that includes you my 1 reader from South Korea: Edward is the sparkling vampire from the teen sensation book series and movies, The Twilight Saga).
Ugh, I want to punch her so badly.
The Halloween decorations I hate the most are the ones that make noises. It is so annoying walking into work to punch in and tripping the sensor that makes a severed head on the shelf scream at me. First of all, it scares me every time. Not once have I not jumped a little bit. Second of all, it must be annoying for the people in the surrounding offices when they are on the phone trying to work and someone walks by and hears a woman screaming for her life. If I were on the other end of that phone line, I would hang up for sure.
I suppose Halloween decorations I would find OK for the office would be where someone spent a lot of money and turned their bosses' head into a plastic replica severed head that serves candy. That would be funny, assuming the boss had a sense of humor. It would also be funny as a Halloween practical joke, if someone hired a person dressed up as a ghost to punch Wigface in the face at my office. If you are interested, please email me and I will give you the address. (Don't worry about punching the wrong person, she is about 35, really petite, and half her body weight is in her hair which she styles like Jon Benet Ramsey every morning. Her hair sticks out from her face for about 6 inches all around before gravity sets in and falls down her back. I'm pretty sure I saw glitter extensions in her hair this morning as well.)
Once of these places is in the workplace. This, in my opinion, is why Halloween decorations in an office is completely unacceptable. Unless there are kids coming to the office, or if you work in the medical field, specifically one that caters to pediatrics, Halloween decorations are a no go.
I have always hated Halloween. It scares me. I think people in masks are creepy and I try to avoid Halloween parades or crowded bars on the holiday because if I were to kill someone, I would do it on Halloween. Think about it. Let's say you, the victim, or if you didn't survive long enough to talk to the police, the witnesses would tell them "Oh, we were all just standing there and out of nowhere Richard Nixxon came and stabbed her". Not very helpful.
Other Halloween costumes without masks are fine, who cares? Sometimes they are funny. Masks should be outlawed.
Back to my original point, Halloween decorations in an office are unacceptable unless they are funny and you work in a funny environment.
One co-worker that I already hated, I call her Wigface, has decorated her tiny office with fake spiderwebs with spiders, a plastic glowing pumpkin, a kindergarten classroom's decoration of a ghost saying "Spooooky!" and a witch hat on her bookshelf. Listen bitch, it was bad enough when you hung up the "Team Edward" calendar in your office in full view of everyone that walked by, but now you should be fired. (For those of you that don't know, that includes you my 1 reader from South Korea: Edward is the sparkling vampire from the teen sensation book series and movies, The Twilight Saga).
Ugh, I want to punch her so badly.
The Halloween decorations I hate the most are the ones that make noises. It is so annoying walking into work to punch in and tripping the sensor that makes a severed head on the shelf scream at me. First of all, it scares me every time. Not once have I not jumped a little bit. Second of all, it must be annoying for the people in the surrounding offices when they are on the phone trying to work and someone walks by and hears a woman screaming for her life. If I were on the other end of that phone line, I would hang up for sure.
I suppose Halloween decorations I would find OK for the office would be where someone spent a lot of money and turned their bosses' head into a plastic replica severed head that serves candy. That would be funny, assuming the boss had a sense of humor. It would also be funny as a Halloween practical joke, if someone hired a person dressed up as a ghost to punch Wigface in the face at my office. If you are interested, please email me and I will give you the address. (Don't worry about punching the wrong person, she is about 35, really petite, and half her body weight is in her hair which she styles like Jon Benet Ramsey every morning. Her hair sticks out from her face for about 6 inches all around before gravity sets in and falls down her back. I'm pretty sure I saw glitter extensions in her hair this morning as well.)
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Lost Part 2
I'd like to amend my earlier statement. After the plane landed the pilot announces that the co-pilot was invited to try out for the show Survivor, so... Maybe he would have lived, but only if he killed the kids from The Shining.
In a flight where everyone was sleeping, I sat next to two old lady friends who talked the whole time. The one next to me was the person on the plane who claps when the plane lands...literally she was the only one to clap.
When I asked the flight attendant for a blanket and the FA said she didn't have one but she could talk to the pilot and see if he could adjust the temperature of the cabin, the lady next to me said well I'm boiling in here, don't do that for just one person and proceeded to wake people up around her to ask them if they were hot. Obviously she disregarded that I told the flight attendant that it wasn't a big deal.
The people behind me also deserved a slap to the face. They decided they'd be flight friends and discussed their life stories for about 3 hours. The guy had a hearing aide so insisted that she speak loudly and he screamed himself.
At least with babies you know the crying will eventually stop. With old people though, it never ends until they fall asleep. The flight was at 7am which is the witching hour for old people. They usually don't fall asleep again till about 3.
Had my flight landed on an island, I can genuinely say that my wish would have been not to survive the landing.
In a flight where everyone was sleeping, I sat next to two old lady friends who talked the whole time. The one next to me was the person on the plane who claps when the plane lands...literally she was the only one to clap.
When I asked the flight attendant for a blanket and the FA said she didn't have one but she could talk to the pilot and see if he could adjust the temperature of the cabin, the lady next to me said well I'm boiling in here, don't do that for just one person and proceeded to wake people up around her to ask them if they were hot. Obviously she disregarded that I told the flight attendant that it wasn't a big deal.
The people behind me also deserved a slap to the face. They decided they'd be flight friends and discussed their life stories for about 3 hours. The guy had a hearing aide so insisted that she speak loudly and he screamed himself.
At least with babies you know the crying will eventually stop. With old people though, it never ends until they fall asleep. The flight was at 7am which is the witching hour for old people. They usually don't fall asleep again till about 3.
Had my flight landed on an island, I can genuinely say that my wish would have been not to survive the landing.
Lost
How come whenever I board a plane, I am travelling with people that I'm 100% sure couldn't survive on an island.
Since the show "Lost" I'm pretty sure everyone who has seen it looks around and measures up the people in the waiting area to board to see who will be Jack's character or John's.
I'd like to say I would be the Kate character on this flight. Realistically, I know I'm to lazy to always volunteer for hikes and track people by looking at broken sticks. Plus, I have bad knees. Maybe I'm more like Claire who eventually goes crazy.
On this flight to Newark, NJ we have 2 bimbos who would be the tied for the "Shanon" character. One of them is actually wearing a "I'm in Miami bitch!" T-shirt.
The flight is full of old people so they would die for sure. Got a few short Asians to play out the "Jin and Sun" story but it doesn't seem like any of them speak English, are in love, or are attractive.
There is one mildly attractive blonde guy who is about 25 and seems like he would survive. I guess I'd pick him as the guy I'd do.
I think if I survived a crash on a desert island, we would all die. There seems to be a capable-looking captain (but the captain always dies in plane crashes on TV, they do this because everyone on the flight would ultimately murder him/her for crashing in the first place) and one athletic black guy that might be able to survive, but otherwise we are doomed. If we don't die in the crash, we will for sure be killed by the very creepy bleach blonde identical twin boys on this flight. My island scenario is Lost meets the shining.
Since the show "Lost" I'm pretty sure everyone who has seen it looks around and measures up the people in the waiting area to board to see who will be Jack's character or John's.
I'd like to say I would be the Kate character on this flight. Realistically, I know I'm to lazy to always volunteer for hikes and track people by looking at broken sticks. Plus, I have bad knees. Maybe I'm more like Claire who eventually goes crazy.
On this flight to Newark, NJ we have 2 bimbos who would be the tied for the "Shanon" character. One of them is actually wearing a "I'm in Miami bitch!" T-shirt.
The flight is full of old people so they would die for sure. Got a few short Asians to play out the "Jin and Sun" story but it doesn't seem like any of them speak English, are in love, or are attractive.
There is one mildly attractive blonde guy who is about 25 and seems like he would survive. I guess I'd pick him as the guy I'd do.
I think if I survived a crash on a desert island, we would all die. There seems to be a capable-looking captain (but the captain always dies in plane crashes on TV, they do this because everyone on the flight would ultimately murder him/her for crashing in the first place) and one athletic black guy that might be able to survive, but otherwise we are doomed. If we don't die in the crash, we will for sure be killed by the very creepy bleach blonde identical twin boys on this flight. My island scenario is Lost meets the shining.
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Match.com Gems
I haven't written much recently mostly because I haven't wanted to. Also, because I have been busy. To catch you up, I got into school. I am getting a surgery in the end of November that will change my life, I have a new pimple I am not proud of, and I am single.
There, I think we are caught up.
Recently I joined Match.com. This has been a interesting experience so far.
The first challenge is building your profile. They ask you a lot of questions. Some questions are general like "Do you have kids?" some are boring questions like "Whats your favorite movie?" and then there are a lot that are massively specific and personal such as 'What is your blood type?" and "List your approximate bathroom schedule". When I was filling out the profile, the one thing that made me believe in the Match.com system was a little check box in the section of "what you look for in a mate" that says "Deal breaker".
This deal breaker option gave me hope. I thought if I clicked it, that those deal breaker guys wouldn't be able to find me. Not true, not true at all.
You think after answering all these questions, you'd find someone out there you might like. This has been my experience:
*One guy emailed me saying: (in reference to one picture of mine where my tongue is out) "Put that tongue away or I'll...LOL!"
- What the fuck does that even mean? Or you'll cut it off? Rub something against it? Jack off? One thing I can tell you about that email...I didn't "LOL" at all.
*One of my matches was my friend's ex-boyfriend. Not only did he lie about his age, his martial history, and the fact that he does have a kid, he was also a psychotic drug-abusing, physically abusive douche bag. (I did LOL when I saw his profile come up).
*I don't know if I am allowed to attach pictures of people on my blog, and to avoid being too mean, I wont do it however, I was emailed by a black guy with a huge combed out afro with an entirely gold grill. His picture looked like he was in jail and about to pull out his shank to stab me. His email was something along the lines of "Sup gurl. Youz hot!" Another one was a guy with a full on mullet. I didn't even bother reading his email.
*My favorite match so far??? Ready for this? This is exactly what he wrote in the "IN HIS OWN WORDS" section about himself (note: all grammatical errors here are his and not mine):
"I'm new in Miami. I'm open-minded, funny, interesting and intelligent guy...once you get to know me. I own few web businesses, that allows me to live anywhere in the world. I go to gym regulary, I like to go to the beach, reading books, watching movies... and doing stupid things somethimes. I also love traveling and I do that quite often. I'm looking for friends or a girlfriend perhaps. I'm into transesexual girls."
Words cant describe how much I love this guy's profile. Did he "wink" at me cause he thinks I'm a tranny? Who knows. Gotta love the Internet. Really looking forward to spending a lot of money on this site to get more of these winners.
There, I think we are caught up.
Recently I joined Match.com. This has been a interesting experience so far.
The first challenge is building your profile. They ask you a lot of questions. Some questions are general like "Do you have kids?" some are boring questions like "Whats your favorite movie?" and then there are a lot that are massively specific and personal such as 'What is your blood type?" and "List your approximate bathroom schedule". When I was filling out the profile, the one thing that made me believe in the Match.com system was a little check box in the section of "what you look for in a mate" that says "Deal breaker".
This deal breaker option gave me hope. I thought if I clicked it, that those deal breaker guys wouldn't be able to find me. Not true, not true at all.
You think after answering all these questions, you'd find someone out there you might like. This has been my experience:
*One guy emailed me saying: (in reference to one picture of mine where my tongue is out) "Put that tongue away or I'll...LOL!"
- What the fuck does that even mean? Or you'll cut it off? Rub something against it? Jack off? One thing I can tell you about that email...I didn't "LOL" at all.
*One of my matches was my friend's ex-boyfriend. Not only did he lie about his age, his martial history, and the fact that he does have a kid, he was also a psychotic drug-abusing, physically abusive douche bag. (I did LOL when I saw his profile come up).
*I don't know if I am allowed to attach pictures of people on my blog, and to avoid being too mean, I wont do it however, I was emailed by a black guy with a huge combed out afro with an entirely gold grill. His picture looked like he was in jail and about to pull out his shank to stab me. His email was something along the lines of "Sup gurl. Youz hot!" Another one was a guy with a full on mullet. I didn't even bother reading his email.
*My favorite match so far??? Ready for this? This is exactly what he wrote in the "IN HIS OWN WORDS" section about himself (note: all grammatical errors here are his and not mine):
"I'm new in Miami. I'm open-minded, funny, interesting and intelligent guy...once you get to know me. I own few web businesses, that allows me to live anywhere in the world. I go to gym regulary, I like to go to the beach, reading books, watching movies... and doing stupid things somethimes. I also love traveling and I do that quite often. I'm looking for friends or a girlfriend perhaps. I'm into transesexual girls."
Words cant describe how much I love this guy's profile. Did he "wink" at me cause he thinks I'm a tranny? Who knows. Gotta love the Internet. Really looking forward to spending a lot of money on this site to get more of these winners.
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
To my reader who is in love with an Albanian guy...
I just noticed I have 10 new readers from Latvia and one from Pakistan. The latest keyword search that found my blog:
"in love albanian guy"
My advice is if you are in love with an Albanian guy, it is likely he is NOT in love with you. I am in no means successful with a large range of men, but something about me is like Albanian fly paper. I literally had crowds of them following me around in Italy. In fact, I almost got banned from my favoirte bar there because the owner didn't like that I was bringing in the wrong crowd- despite my insitance that they were in no way invited by me, they just stalked me on a regualar basis.
If you want an Albanian guy to love you, make sure you have a vagina and ignore them completely. It helps if you also don't have a language in common. The more impossible it is to have any foundation for a even midly-successful relationship while still remaining female is the best way to guarentee they will love you forever.
I havent been back to Italy since 2004 and I still get a yearly call from my Albanian "boyfriend" of a month or so. All he says when I pick up the phone is "erin" (it sounds more like ewewin) and then he stays silent on the phone until either I hang up or he loses credit and the call ends. That my friend is Albanian love.
"in love albanian guy"
My advice is if you are in love with an Albanian guy, it is likely he is NOT in love with you. I am in no means successful with a large range of men, but something about me is like Albanian fly paper. I literally had crowds of them following me around in Italy. In fact, I almost got banned from my favoirte bar there because the owner didn't like that I was bringing in the wrong crowd- despite my insitance that they were in no way invited by me, they just stalked me on a regualar basis.
If you want an Albanian guy to love you, make sure you have a vagina and ignore them completely. It helps if you also don't have a language in common. The more impossible it is to have any foundation for a even midly-successful relationship while still remaining female is the best way to guarentee they will love you forever.
I havent been back to Italy since 2004 and I still get a yearly call from my Albanian "boyfriend" of a month or so. All he says when I pick up the phone is "erin" (it sounds more like ewewin) and then he stays silent on the phone until either I hang up or he loses credit and the call ends. That my friend is Albanian love.
First thing tomorrow...
About once a week I think "I should really get started on my book...first thing tomorrow". I have a lot of these right before I fall asleep ideas. Some others that I am sure other people share are "As of tomorrow, I am not eating any food" or "Starting tomorrow I will go back to the gym" and "Starting tomorrow I am going to convince my parole officer that I deserve to join the McDonald's management program".
The problem about most of these late-night ambitions is that tomorrow happens, and you prefer to have the day you had yesterday than starting doing something new that will suck. Even if it is good for you, your family, your country or humanity, sometimes being indulgent is just more fun.
Starting a book for example, would not be hard for me to do. I basically don't do anything all day. I would have to set up a new Word document, format it and give a title separator like "Chapter One". You don't even have to give the book a title yet. If I did just that, I would have officially started the book I want to write. That 5 minutes of setting up the document formatting would be enough for me to not do anything on the book for a full year because at that point I would have already started it. I just can't bring myself to do it.
The real reason I don't write a book, is that I am lazy. Here are my concerns:
-Do I need to map out the plot of the book.
-Do I need to spend time creating a personality for each main character and develop it?
-Do I need to do any research into the time period of the story? Probably, right?
-How much time is that going to take before I actually start writing?
-Is anyone committed enough to read multiple drafts of my book? (That's an easy answer, I don't think my mom would even do that.)
At this moment, listing the 5 concerns I have is definitely the most progress I have made on my book.
To answer your question, no, my book wouldn't be about me. It wouldn't even be loosely based on my life. Let's be honest, I may have a few good stories here and there but I probably wouldn't want to read about them and I lived them first-hand. The book of my stories would read much like the book "I hope they serve beer in hell". (Terrible book).
At one point I was convinced I was going to write a book about one crazy weekend I had in Florence when I was studying abroad. I think I actually did write a chapter or two of that book on a private Live Journal account. The book was going to be called "48 hours i basta". The problem with this idea was the great stories starting from that weekend continued and I had to change the name to "72 hours i basta" then "one week i basta" and so on. It lost its appeal.
The book I want to write about would be a narrative of love and two people's drive to stay together in the face of political and social adversity. I know this sounds like a common story, however I imagine it much more romantic then "The Notebook". The real tragedy is that I will never write it. Instead I will post blogs about fart jokes and all the unacceptable things I encounter on a daily basis. These things keep me distracted and that is was keeps me writing to all 5 of you.
It would be so much easier and more graatifying to live in someone else's body and feel the joy of things like when that person finishes and sells their first novel, goes to the gym, or even has a really satisfying poop.
The problem about most of these late-night ambitions is that tomorrow happens, and you prefer to have the day you had yesterday than starting doing something new that will suck. Even if it is good for you, your family, your country or humanity, sometimes being indulgent is just more fun.
Starting a book for example, would not be hard for me to do. I basically don't do anything all day. I would have to set up a new Word document, format it and give a title separator like "Chapter One". You don't even have to give the book a title yet. If I did just that, I would have officially started the book I want to write. That 5 minutes of setting up the document formatting would be enough for me to not do anything on the book for a full year because at that point I would have already started it. I just can't bring myself to do it.
The real reason I don't write a book, is that I am lazy. Here are my concerns:
-Do I need to map out the plot of the book.
-Do I need to spend time creating a personality for each main character and develop it?
-Do I need to do any research into the time period of the story? Probably, right?
-How much time is that going to take before I actually start writing?
-Is anyone committed enough to read multiple drafts of my book? (That's an easy answer, I don't think my mom would even do that.)
At this moment, listing the 5 concerns I have is definitely the most progress I have made on my book.
To answer your question, no, my book wouldn't be about me. It wouldn't even be loosely based on my life. Let's be honest, I may have a few good stories here and there but I probably wouldn't want to read about them and I lived them first-hand. The book of my stories would read much like the book "I hope they serve beer in hell". (Terrible book).
At one point I was convinced I was going to write a book about one crazy weekend I had in Florence when I was studying abroad. I think I actually did write a chapter or two of that book on a private Live Journal account. The book was going to be called "48 hours i basta". The problem with this idea was the great stories starting from that weekend continued and I had to change the name to "72 hours i basta" then "one week i basta" and so on. It lost its appeal.
The book I want to write about would be a narrative of love and two people's drive to stay together in the face of political and social adversity. I know this sounds like a common story, however I imagine it much more romantic then "The Notebook". The real tragedy is that I will never write it. Instead I will post blogs about fart jokes and all the unacceptable things I encounter on a daily basis. These things keep me distracted and that is was keeps me writing to all 5 of you.
It would be so much easier and more graatifying to live in someone else's body and feel the joy of things like when that person finishes and sells their first novel, goes to the gym, or even has a really satisfying poop.
Friday, October 5, 2012
The Asshole Theory
One of the more frustrating things I hear guys say is that girls only are attracted to assholes.
I find this theory confusing. Where I believe there is some truth to girls not being attracted to total saps, I do not believe that rules out nice guys. I think ultimately girls do want nice guys. No one really wants a guy who is a dick to them all the time.
What gets confusing is how can one determine if the guy is just acting like an asshole to attract a girl based on the asshole theory? Is the guy genuinely an asshole?
Drawing from the personal experiences I have had and those from my friends, here are some true stories that I have tried to figure out where the guy falls on the asshole meter.
*When I was in Florence, I was working promoting a bar/restaurant by passing flyers out around the Duomo in the center of the city to make extra money. What my friend and I would do was literally walk in circles around the church all day. Although I must admit sometimes we would just find a far away trash can and throw them away and hang out for the rest of the day. After a few days of working we got a following of creepy Italian/Albanian guys that would follow us in circles. Sometimes we would give them flyers to pass out since they were stalking us anyway. One guy decided he was in love with me. After work we went to the restaurant we were promoting with our stalkers for a drink. We had one drink with them. This guy was literally just staring at me and occasionally asking for my number. My friend, to be funny gave it to him. She has an interesting idea of what funny is. He called me everyday multiple times a day. The first few calls were him asking me out or asking to come over and me saying no. After those he would just call me and play American love songs over the phone (mostly because we didn't really speak the same language). He would call me from many different numbers to avoid me not picking up the phone. A few days later, this guy's friend sees me working and tells me to please go out with his friend because he has gone on a hunger strike until I went out with him or kissed him...something like that. A day or so after that and many music phone serenades later, he calls me telling me he is very hungry. He sent me a picture of his room where he had hung about 50 or so of the flyers we gave him to pass out as a shrine to me. I told the guy he should start eating again because I had recently realized that I was in love with my coworker and I needed to explore the fact that I may be a lesbian. This didn't work so stopped answering the phone to any number and just avoided him while working. This guy does not fall into the nice guy category. This guy is a total sap, thus being unattractive to most women.
*I have heard many variations to this story from different friends. I have my own variation of this story as well. Guys who take you out on dates, you have a decent to good time. At the end of the night, you kiss. The guy decides he doesn't want to stop at kissing, the girl decides that she wants to wait. Then the guy gets angry and calls the girl fat or makes a comment about how he wasn't really interested in them anyway because she was too fat for him. (This has happened to at least 3 of my friends). I have also heard of guys that a girl was dating who after the charm of a new romance moved on the guy said things like "I like you because you are good lay" and then commented about how they were too fat. This is the guy who is genuinely an asshole but at other times is a good guy which perpetuates the theory that girls only like assholes. This guy just confuses girls because they start off nice and romantic but throw in asshole commentary and the girl has to determine where to draw the line.
*I honestly do not have any stories to tell about myself or friends who have dated guys that were assholes from start to finish. Mostly because they met the guy, thought he was an asshole or mean and didn't see them again. Maybe there may have been one "still trying to figure it out" date, but that was it. *Case and point, girls do not like assholes. Guys only think that because they don't see the full story about how nice the guy was in the beginning and only see the ending where the guy was an asshole, they assume that the guy was ALWAYS an asshole. Not true.
*One of my very attractive, smart and cool friends was telling me about the guy she has started dating. I asked her what she liked about him and her only response was "He is literally the nicest guy I have ever met. He is genuinely a good person which is hard to find and I love that about him." Since I know this guy, I can vouch that he is a good person. He is not a sap about her or about anything too worldly. He has a good sense of humor and is not like a puppy dog about her, but obviously cares for her. This is the guy that every girl wants!!!
To every guy's credit, girls sometimes stay with assholes longer than they should. Once the guy has blown his "nice guy" cover, it can be hard to break up with him. One theory that is true is that every girl does believe deep down inside that she can get a guy to change. Not necessarily entirely but enough to revert him back to where he used to be that attracted her to him in the first place. This is a problem that is hard to overcome and perpetuates the asshole theory.
My advice to men: If you are an asshole, show that from the beginning and let me decide whether or not that is something I can handle or am attracted to. Don't act like an asshole if you know you are not one and it feels wrong. If sappy ideas ever come up in your head, maybe keep them to yourself. There is a difference between saying "you look beautiful tonight" and "wow, are you real? I feel like I'm living in a dream...".
I find this theory confusing. Where I believe there is some truth to girls not being attracted to total saps, I do not believe that rules out nice guys. I think ultimately girls do want nice guys. No one really wants a guy who is a dick to them all the time.
What gets confusing is how can one determine if the guy is just acting like an asshole to attract a girl based on the asshole theory? Is the guy genuinely an asshole?
Drawing from the personal experiences I have had and those from my friends, here are some true stories that I have tried to figure out where the guy falls on the asshole meter.
*When I was in Florence, I was working promoting a bar/restaurant by passing flyers out around the Duomo in the center of the city to make extra money. What my friend and I would do was literally walk in circles around the church all day. Although I must admit sometimes we would just find a far away trash can and throw them away and hang out for the rest of the day. After a few days of working we got a following of creepy Italian/Albanian guys that would follow us in circles. Sometimes we would give them flyers to pass out since they were stalking us anyway. One guy decided he was in love with me. After work we went to the restaurant we were promoting with our stalkers for a drink. We had one drink with them. This guy was literally just staring at me and occasionally asking for my number. My friend, to be funny gave it to him. She has an interesting idea of what funny is. He called me everyday multiple times a day. The first few calls were him asking me out or asking to come over and me saying no. After those he would just call me and play American love songs over the phone (mostly because we didn't really speak the same language). He would call me from many different numbers to avoid me not picking up the phone. A few days later, this guy's friend sees me working and tells me to please go out with his friend because he has gone on a hunger strike until I went out with him or kissed him...something like that. A day or so after that and many music phone serenades later, he calls me telling me he is very hungry. He sent me a picture of his room where he had hung about 50 or so of the flyers we gave him to pass out as a shrine to me. I told the guy he should start eating again because I had recently realized that I was in love with my coworker and I needed to explore the fact that I may be a lesbian. This didn't work so stopped answering the phone to any number and just avoided him while working. This guy does not fall into the nice guy category. This guy is a total sap, thus being unattractive to most women.
*I have heard many variations to this story from different friends. I have my own variation of this story as well. Guys who take you out on dates, you have a decent to good time. At the end of the night, you kiss. The guy decides he doesn't want to stop at kissing, the girl decides that she wants to wait. Then the guy gets angry and calls the girl fat or makes a comment about how he wasn't really interested in them anyway because she was too fat for him. (This has happened to at least 3 of my friends). I have also heard of guys that a girl was dating who after the charm of a new romance moved on the guy said things like "I like you because you are good lay" and then commented about how they were too fat. This is the guy who is genuinely an asshole but at other times is a good guy which perpetuates the theory that girls only like assholes. This guy just confuses girls because they start off nice and romantic but throw in asshole commentary and the girl has to determine where to draw the line.
*I honestly do not have any stories to tell about myself or friends who have dated guys that were assholes from start to finish. Mostly because they met the guy, thought he was an asshole or mean and didn't see them again. Maybe there may have been one "still trying to figure it out" date, but that was it. *Case and point, girls do not like assholes. Guys only think that because they don't see the full story about how nice the guy was in the beginning and only see the ending where the guy was an asshole, they assume that the guy was ALWAYS an asshole. Not true.
*One of my very attractive, smart and cool friends was telling me about the guy she has started dating. I asked her what she liked about him and her only response was "He is literally the nicest guy I have ever met. He is genuinely a good person which is hard to find and I love that about him." Since I know this guy, I can vouch that he is a good person. He is not a sap about her or about anything too worldly. He has a good sense of humor and is not like a puppy dog about her, but obviously cares for her. This is the guy that every girl wants!!!
To every guy's credit, girls sometimes stay with assholes longer than they should. Once the guy has blown his "nice guy" cover, it can be hard to break up with him. One theory that is true is that every girl does believe deep down inside that she can get a guy to change. Not necessarily entirely but enough to revert him back to where he used to be that attracted her to him in the first place. This is a problem that is hard to overcome and perpetuates the asshole theory.
My advice to men: If you are an asshole, show that from the beginning and let me decide whether or not that is something I can handle or am attracted to. Don't act like an asshole if you know you are not one and it feels wrong. If sappy ideas ever come up in your head, maybe keep them to yourself. There is a difference between saying "you look beautiful tonight" and "wow, are you real? I feel like I'm living in a dream...".
Monday, October 1, 2012
Rhett Part 2
I was so excited Rhett had kissed me. A part of me really wanted to date him and a part of me was really intimidated by him and was afraid he thought I was dumb. He had multiple personalities. Sometimes he seemed really impressed by me and he liked me a lot. Other times he seemed frustrated by me and how little I knew about random facts.
The next time, post kiss, that I saw Rhett, we were in our usual coffee place. I was excited to see him to see how everything was going to play out. He seemed a little giddy as well. We start talking, and then he announces he is bisexual.
Whatever amount of turned on I was suddenly dropped into the negative numbers. For anyone who knows me, you know I have very little filter from what I say in my head to what comes out of my mouth. So, naturally I said "eww, gross". Both he and I were shocked my response.
He then goes on to tell me how he came to explore bi-sexuality. I am fully looking around and planning a quick exit strategy. Unfortunately for Rhett, and all the other bisexuals I encounter, I don't believe in bi-sexuality. I don't believe in the gray area as a state of permanent existence. Here are my reasons (I also explained this to Rhett, and as you might imagine they were not well received):
-I have never met an adult bi-sexual who was with someone and still identified themselves as bi-sexual. They claimed to be bi in their youth, but was either gay or straight later on in life.
-I don't think experimenting with the same sex in your youth makes you bi-sexual.
-I think that its entirely possible to be straight and fall in love with someone of the same sex at one point in your life without meaning that you were always bisexual.
-Pretty much nobody from the gay or straight community wants to date a self-proclaimed bisexual.
-I think when one walks into a room and is single and looking around, you know inherently what you are looking for.
-I can understand bi-sexuality when it refers to just sex, in which case, the person probably just really wants to/needs to get laid. Maybe a self-confidence issue? Just not when it refers to dating or love.
-Finally, I think bi-sexual males are gay.
Sorry if this offends anyone, it is my blog, and it is a reflection of what my opinion is.
When I left Rhett that night (no kiss), I had to think about whether I could handle dating someone who was bi-sexual. To me, that was worse that all the other red flags combined. He texted me a few times after that, I saw him once or twice, but I had moved on. He had too...probably to date some really fascinating intellectual boy whose resume in Rhett's connections journal took up a full page. I wonder if Rhett put hearts around the guy's information.
In case you are wondering, yes, I have tried to look up Rhett on Facebook to see where he is in the world today (and whether or not he is gay) and he is not on Facebook. Shocker! Probably too low-brow for him. I'll let you know if I find him on linked-in.
The next time, post kiss, that I saw Rhett, we were in our usual coffee place. I was excited to see him to see how everything was going to play out. He seemed a little giddy as well. We start talking, and then he announces he is bisexual.
Whatever amount of turned on I was suddenly dropped into the negative numbers. For anyone who knows me, you know I have very little filter from what I say in my head to what comes out of my mouth. So, naturally I said "eww, gross". Both he and I were shocked my response.
He then goes on to tell me how he came to explore bi-sexuality. I am fully looking around and planning a quick exit strategy. Unfortunately for Rhett, and all the other bisexuals I encounter, I don't believe in bi-sexuality. I don't believe in the gray area as a state of permanent existence. Here are my reasons (I also explained this to Rhett, and as you might imagine they were not well received):
-I have never met an adult bi-sexual who was with someone and still identified themselves as bi-sexual. They claimed to be bi in their youth, but was either gay or straight later on in life.
-I don't think experimenting with the same sex in your youth makes you bi-sexual.
-I think that its entirely possible to be straight and fall in love with someone of the same sex at one point in your life without meaning that you were always bisexual.
-Pretty much nobody from the gay or straight community wants to date a self-proclaimed bisexual.
-I think when one walks into a room and is single and looking around, you know inherently what you are looking for.
-I can understand bi-sexuality when it refers to just sex, in which case, the person probably just really wants to/needs to get laid. Maybe a self-confidence issue? Just not when it refers to dating or love.
-Finally, I think bi-sexual males are gay.
Sorry if this offends anyone, it is my blog, and it is a reflection of what my opinion is.
When I left Rhett that night (no kiss), I had to think about whether I could handle dating someone who was bi-sexual. To me, that was worse that all the other red flags combined. He texted me a few times after that, I saw him once or twice, but I had moved on. He had too...probably to date some really fascinating intellectual boy whose resume in Rhett's connections journal took up a full page. I wonder if Rhett put hearts around the guy's information.
In case you are wondering, yes, I have tried to look up Rhett on Facebook to see where he is in the world today (and whether or not he is gay) and he is not on Facebook. Shocker! Probably too low-brow for him. I'll let you know if I find him on linked-in.
Elevator Chat
On my way to work, I ran into this guy in the elevator. Just yesterday I was talking to friends about how friendly people in my building are to eachother in the elevator, and we agreed that its ok to be friendly in the afternoon, but in the mornings it's alot to ask.
The guy this morning (whom I have never met or seen before) walks in, and this was our conversation:
Me: Hi
Guy: You tired?
Me: Yeah, it's Monday.
Guy: Judging by the look on your face, you didn't win the lottery for us. I was really looking forward to it.
Me: Maybe next Monday.
Guy: You and I made a deal that we spilt it 50/50 right?
Me: (Confused silence)
Guy: Don't take that money and run girl, I know where you live.
Me: I wouldn't do that to you.
Guy: I know, I'm sorry I was just really counting on that money for us so we wouldnt have to work this week.
Me: I know me too. Why am I always the one buying the tickets? To me, that doesnt seem to justify a 50/50 split.
Guy: You're right, I'll get one for us next weekend.
***Elevator arrives at my garage level***
Me: Have a good day.
Guy: You too.
That was unexpected and fun. Thank you guy you made my morning.
The guy this morning (whom I have never met or seen before) walks in, and this was our conversation:
Me: Hi
Guy: You tired?
Me: Yeah, it's Monday.
Guy: Judging by the look on your face, you didn't win the lottery for us. I was really looking forward to it.
Me: Maybe next Monday.
Guy: You and I made a deal that we spilt it 50/50 right?
Me: (Confused silence)
Guy: Don't take that money and run girl, I know where you live.
Me: I wouldn't do that to you.
Guy: I know, I'm sorry I was just really counting on that money for us so we wouldnt have to work this week.
Me: I know me too. Why am I always the one buying the tickets? To me, that doesnt seem to justify a 50/50 split.
Guy: You're right, I'll get one for us next weekend.
***Elevator arrives at my garage level***
Me: Have a good day.
Guy: You too.
That was unexpected and fun. Thank you guy you made my morning.
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Oh...Rhett
Last night I thought of someone I haven't thought of in years.
Last week, I had spoken to one of my close friends on the phone about my recent break up. She was telling me that her and her boyfriend were trying to think of people they knew that I might like. She found it hard because she realized, even having had met some of my previous boyfriends, and knowing my most recent well, and knowing me very well, it was hard for her to put together what my "type" might be.
I agreed with her, that I don't even know what my type is. Every person I have dated has been extremely different from the last. One pretty interesting person I liked was this guy I had met, Rhett.
It was my freshman year in college, and I was spending a lot of time at Esperanto Cafe in the west village. It was open 24 hours, so it was a great place to go to get out of my dorm room and read and/or study. After a while, I had met friends there that were regulars that I would hang out with on occasion.
One night, I met Rhett. Or rather, I forced Rhett to meet me. I was drinking tea and reading, and I noticed Rhett sitting at a table across from mine. I thought he was cute and he was there doing the same thing I was doing, so I thought I would introduce myself. (ahh...the confidence of youth).
Rhett and I ended up talking all night. I definitly saw red flags that I, of course, ignored. One of the biggest ones was that he carried around a journal that he would write the names of people he met and he would put some notes in about what they did (or in my case that I was a student, studing art history at NYU and wanted to become either an art lawyer or work my way up to me a museum director). He didn't ask for my phone number or email for his journal. When I asked what the journal was for, he said that networking is very important, and you never know when you will need to contact someone.
He was in law school at the time. He was in his early 30s or late 20s. In college, he had majored in 10 different subjects. He was from Georgia. He was smart and very interesting.
After that first meeting, we ended up seeing eachother a lot in the coffee shop and occasionally he or I would call arranging to meet up. One night, I realized that I hadnt read "Twilight of the Idols" and that I was going to have a test on it the following day.
He and I stayed up all night until about 7am with me and not only explained the entire book, he explained all others books by Neitzsche in detail. This was another red flag. Not that he was smart, but that he was crazy smart. He would talk to me about things that I was interested in, however when he would explain something and drop a name in like Joe Fitsimmons, I'd nod through it (seeing how it was someone that was NOT relevant to the story) and immediately he's stop and say "Do you know who that is?", caught, I'd say "No, but I didn't want to stop you" and he's say something along the lines of "Joe Fitsimmons is the brother of the cousin of this supreme court justice. I can't believe you didn't know that...what are they teaching you in school"? My response was a big smile to which he would role his eyes. (FYI- my answer now would be "How is that relevant?" or something like "look at you cool guy"....actually, I'd probably just still smile.)
One night we kissed.
Part 2 coming soon.... (I don't know why but I have actually been busy and this story has literally taken me days to write...)
Last week, I had spoken to one of my close friends on the phone about my recent break up. She was telling me that her and her boyfriend were trying to think of people they knew that I might like. She found it hard because she realized, even having had met some of my previous boyfriends, and knowing my most recent well, and knowing me very well, it was hard for her to put together what my "type" might be.
I agreed with her, that I don't even know what my type is. Every person I have dated has been extremely different from the last. One pretty interesting person I liked was this guy I had met, Rhett.
It was my freshman year in college, and I was spending a lot of time at Esperanto Cafe in the west village. It was open 24 hours, so it was a great place to go to get out of my dorm room and read and/or study. After a while, I had met friends there that were regulars that I would hang out with on occasion.
One night, I met Rhett. Or rather, I forced Rhett to meet me. I was drinking tea and reading, and I noticed Rhett sitting at a table across from mine. I thought he was cute and he was there doing the same thing I was doing, so I thought I would introduce myself. (ahh...the confidence of youth).
Rhett and I ended up talking all night. I definitly saw red flags that I, of course, ignored. One of the biggest ones was that he carried around a journal that he would write the names of people he met and he would put some notes in about what they did (or in my case that I was a student, studing art history at NYU and wanted to become either an art lawyer or work my way up to me a museum director). He didn't ask for my phone number or email for his journal. When I asked what the journal was for, he said that networking is very important, and you never know when you will need to contact someone.
He was in law school at the time. He was in his early 30s or late 20s. In college, he had majored in 10 different subjects. He was from Georgia. He was smart and very interesting.
After that first meeting, we ended up seeing eachother a lot in the coffee shop and occasionally he or I would call arranging to meet up. One night, I realized that I hadnt read "Twilight of the Idols" and that I was going to have a test on it the following day.
He and I stayed up all night until about 7am with me and not only explained the entire book, he explained all others books by Neitzsche in detail. This was another red flag. Not that he was smart, but that he was crazy smart. He would talk to me about things that I was interested in, however when he would explain something and drop a name in like Joe Fitsimmons, I'd nod through it (seeing how it was someone that was NOT relevant to the story) and immediately he's stop and say "Do you know who that is?", caught, I'd say "No, but I didn't want to stop you" and he's say something along the lines of "Joe Fitsimmons is the brother of the cousin of this supreme court justice. I can't believe you didn't know that...what are they teaching you in school"? My response was a big smile to which he would role his eyes. (FYI- my answer now would be "How is that relevant?" or something like "look at you cool guy"....actually, I'd probably just still smile.)
One night we kissed.
Part 2 coming soon.... (I don't know why but I have actually been busy and this story has literally taken me days to write...)
Thursday, September 20, 2012
iTunes U and the loss of my human life
Well Apple has done it again. When I wrote my post for Monday, iTunes U was not yet available. Now, since the download of iOS6 on my phone, Apple has now made it easier for me to become an even bigger nerd than I had already expected to become. Dammit.
If you haven't updated your phone, or you are not YET an Apple user, you don't know about iTunes U. Its an app filled with hundreds of free courses on almost any topic from a wide range of Universities. As of this morning, I am listening to lectures and reading the course materials for a Philosophy class on Death hosted by Yale University.
Its amazing! Not the class per se but the app provides all lectures that the professor has held in the course available for free download. Additionally, the app offers the course readings free for download. The only thing that is paid for is if the professor would like the class to read a full book. The death class has 3 books the students should read, and those books are available to read on your iPad for $0.99. Pretty amazing. So now, when I am driving, instead of listening to music or every "This American Life" episode ever, I am listening to a professor lecture on Death from a philosophical standpoint.
The app even has features where you can write notes for the class on each reading and each video/audio element. Fuck, Apple is good.
Because of this, I'm afraid I have to make an announcement. To my real-life family and friends: I love you. I know we don't see much of each other as it is, however I am sad to say, this new obsession with Lynda.com and iTunes U and trying to learn everything possible, is going to turn me into a hermit. If you told me I was supposed to meet you at 8pm and I get there at 9:30pm, its cause I am learning something or am in "class". Don't be mad, just ask me what I learned today. If I say "you wouldn't understand" punch me in the face because I deserve it. However, don't be surprised if you get an email of a course from me saying "listen to this, let's meet up next week and discuss". I am already starting to hate myself for this.
Maybe when my actual school accepts me and I start going to classes I won't have as much time for this. Maybe I'll be excited to venture out into the real world. For now, I am finding it difficult to communicate with people in front of me or on the phone because my internal monologue has become so loud in my head due to lack of human interaction that I am finding it increasingly difficult to concentrate on anything else.
I wonder what my therapist would have to say about this? If she kept my appointments more, then maybe I could ask to her.
If you haven't updated your phone, or you are not YET an Apple user, you don't know about iTunes U. Its an app filled with hundreds of free courses on almost any topic from a wide range of Universities. As of this morning, I am listening to lectures and reading the course materials for a Philosophy class on Death hosted by Yale University.
Its amazing! Not the class per se but the app provides all lectures that the professor has held in the course available for free download. Additionally, the app offers the course readings free for download. The only thing that is paid for is if the professor would like the class to read a full book. The death class has 3 books the students should read, and those books are available to read on your iPad for $0.99. Pretty amazing. So now, when I am driving, instead of listening to music or every "This American Life" episode ever, I am listening to a professor lecture on Death from a philosophical standpoint.
The app even has features where you can write notes for the class on each reading and each video/audio element. Fuck, Apple is good.
Because of this, I'm afraid I have to make an announcement. To my real-life family and friends: I love you. I know we don't see much of each other as it is, however I am sad to say, this new obsession with Lynda.com and iTunes U and trying to learn everything possible, is going to turn me into a hermit. If you told me I was supposed to meet you at 8pm and I get there at 9:30pm, its cause I am learning something or am in "class". Don't be mad, just ask me what I learned today. If I say "you wouldn't understand" punch me in the face because I deserve it. However, don't be surprised if you get an email of a course from me saying "listen to this, let's meet up next week and discuss". I am already starting to hate myself for this.
Maybe when my actual school accepts me and I start going to classes I won't have as much time for this. Maybe I'll be excited to venture out into the real world. For now, I am finding it difficult to communicate with people in front of me or on the phone because my internal monologue has become so loud in my head due to lack of human interaction that I am finding it increasingly difficult to concentrate on anything else.
I wonder what my therapist would have to say about this? If she kept my appointments more, then maybe I could ask to her.
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Saving Up For In-vitro...
I just listened to a "This American Life" episode called Somewhere Out There. The show was about the likelihood of finding someone for you. It started with the mathematical theory called the "Drake Equation". Here is the definition:
The Drake equation is a mathematical equation used to estimate the number of detectableextraterrestrial civilizations in the Milky Way galaxy. It is used in the field of the Search for ExtraTerrestrial Intelligence (SETI). The equation was devised in 1961 by Frank Drake, Emeritus Professor of Astronomy and Astrophysics at the University of California, Santa Cruz.
A bunch of girlfriend-less Harvard math graduates decided to apply this equation to their lives to determine the likelihood they would find girlfriends. I have decided to apply this to my life:
Using a calculator and census demographics, here is my conclusion:
Population of Miami: 362,470
Population of Males (because I like boys): 180,194
The number of males is slightly larger than females by about 2,000. So, lets just call it half.
The age range I would be interested in would really be about 28-35. So statistically this is hard to estimate since the age demographics are in ranges 25-34 and 35-44. The number for 24-34 is 54,264 and 35-44 is 55,682. Since both age groups are relatively the same and include an age range of 10 years, I am going to pick 10 years as well. 28-38 years old.
I am going to say that age range is 50,000. Now eliminate the women. 25,000 men in my age range in miami.
Lets rule out married or girlfriend-ed guys.
The statistics show 13.56% are married, 26.35% have children and 2.38% have an un-married partner. That is 42.29% of the full population. I will call it half since Miami has a high gay population and I am not really looking for unmarried guys with kids. So out of 25,000 we go to 12,500 men.
Now, I would like a college graduate. Statistically only 27% of the population of America has college degrees.
Ugh...hard math.
So, I'm thinking give or take 4,687 men that are single, without kids, who live in Miami and have graduated college.
Now, I want to rule out really short guys. I'd like someone my height 5'9" or taller. Statistically, the average man is 5'10" in America. Which according to the website, half are not 5'10". So, 2,343 men.
I would like someone employed. The unemployment rate in Miami is 12.5%.
So 2,050 are gainfully employed.
I'd like this guy to make within a range of what I am making or more. For discretional purposes, I will not include the range. It's a little less than half by percentage.
So we are down to 1,100 men.
Now, here comes the hard part, how many of those men would actually be attracted to me?
I'm going to be relatively realistic here and say 1 in 10 guys finds me attractive. I would say out of those 1/20 guys would actually ask me out.
That leaves me 55 guys in all of Miami-Dade County (which is HUGE) that would actually ask me out that I would be interested in.
These 55 guys does not include guys weeding me out or me weeding them out based on things like religion for example. Religion is not a huge issue for me because I don't have one. But, that is a huge deal for a lot of people.
I also didn't rule out men that don't speak English (which is important in Miami) or where English was their first language. So you can rule out a few there...probably down to 30 guys.With the religion thing, maybe 25.
I didn't deduce by which zip codes these men would statistically be in. Miami is huge and has soo many. Realistically, I am only ever in about 7 different zip codes which reduces the likelihood by a lot that these 25 would spend time in the same ones.
I don't think I gave enough credit to the gay population here as well.
I didn't rule out guys who wear rhinestone t-shirts or sunglasses at night.
I didn't rule out men that had relationship-inhibiting disabilities.
I didn't rule out anyone by race. (I am sorta open, but realistically long-term I'm not sure how big racial differences would influence the success of our relationship).
I didn't rule out guys with STDs.
I didn't account for a ratio of guys that I find attractive (although some were weeded out through my deductions, but really the only physical thing I weeded out was height.)
Pretty much at this point I am looking at negative numbers OR with the best possible options maybe 5 or less guys.
I would say I've already dated 1-2 of them, but that isn't true. The guys I have dated that I have met in Miami don't meet the basic requirements above. It didn't work out, big surprise- but I have to be honest, I genuinely didn't want or expect it to. In fact, I am not sure I can recall anyone I have met in Miami that I wanted to date and thought it would work out. Again, not surprising considering how many are here for me.
But to be an optimist, there are 1-5 guys in Miami that I have a chance of dating if we are in the right place at the right time. Awesome.
The Drake equation is a mathematical equation used to estimate the number of detectableextraterrestrial civilizations in the Milky Way galaxy. It is used in the field of the Search for ExtraTerrestrial Intelligence (SETI). The equation was devised in 1961 by Frank Drake, Emeritus Professor of Astronomy and Astrophysics at the University of California, Santa Cruz.
A bunch of girlfriend-less Harvard math graduates decided to apply this equation to their lives to determine the likelihood they would find girlfriends. I have decided to apply this to my life:
Using a calculator and census demographics, here is my conclusion:
Population of Miami: 362,470
Population of Males (because I like boys): 180,194
The number of males is slightly larger than females by about 2,000. So, lets just call it half.
The age range I would be interested in would really be about 28-35. So statistically this is hard to estimate since the age demographics are in ranges 25-34 and 35-44. The number for 24-34 is 54,264 and 35-44 is 55,682. Since both age groups are relatively the same and include an age range of 10 years, I am going to pick 10 years as well. 28-38 years old.
I am going to say that age range is 50,000. Now eliminate the women. 25,000 men in my age range in miami.
Lets rule out married or girlfriend-ed guys.
The statistics show 13.56% are married, 26.35% have children and 2.38% have an un-married partner. That is 42.29% of the full population. I will call it half since Miami has a high gay population and I am not really looking for unmarried guys with kids. So out of 25,000 we go to 12,500 men.
Now, I would like a college graduate. Statistically only 27% of the population of America has college degrees.
Ugh...hard math.
So, I'm thinking give or take 4,687 men that are single, without kids, who live in Miami and have graduated college.
Now, I want to rule out really short guys. I'd like someone my height 5'9" or taller. Statistically, the average man is 5'10" in America. Which according to the website, half are not 5'10". So, 2,343 men.
I would like someone employed. The unemployment rate in Miami is 12.5%.
So 2,050 are gainfully employed.
I'd like this guy to make within a range of what I am making or more. For discretional purposes, I will not include the range. It's a little less than half by percentage.
So we are down to 1,100 men.
Now, here comes the hard part, how many of those men would actually be attracted to me?
I'm going to be relatively realistic here and say 1 in 10 guys finds me attractive. I would say out of those 1/20 guys would actually ask me out.
That leaves me 55 guys in all of Miami-Dade County (which is HUGE) that would actually ask me out that I would be interested in.
These 55 guys does not include guys weeding me out or me weeding them out based on things like religion for example. Religion is not a huge issue for me because I don't have one. But, that is a huge deal for a lot of people.
I also didn't rule out men that don't speak English (which is important in Miami) or where English was their first language. So you can rule out a few there...probably down to 30 guys.With the religion thing, maybe 25.
I didn't deduce by which zip codes these men would statistically be in. Miami is huge and has soo many. Realistically, I am only ever in about 7 different zip codes which reduces the likelihood by a lot that these 25 would spend time in the same ones.
I don't think I gave enough credit to the gay population here as well.
I didn't rule out guys who wear rhinestone t-shirts or sunglasses at night.
I didn't rule out men that had relationship-inhibiting disabilities.
I didn't rule out anyone by race. (I am sorta open, but realistically long-term I'm not sure how big racial differences would influence the success of our relationship).
I didn't rule out guys with STDs.
I didn't account for a ratio of guys that I find attractive (although some were weeded out through my deductions, but really the only physical thing I weeded out was height.)
Pretty much at this point I am looking at negative numbers OR with the best possible options maybe 5 or less guys.
I would say I've already dated 1-2 of them, but that isn't true. The guys I have dated that I have met in Miami don't meet the basic requirements above. It didn't work out, big surprise- but I have to be honest, I genuinely didn't want or expect it to. In fact, I am not sure I can recall anyone I have met in Miami that I wanted to date and thought it would work out. Again, not surprising considering how many are here for me.
But to be an optimist, there are 1-5 guys in Miami that I have a chance of dating if we are in the right place at the right time. Awesome.
Monday, September 17, 2012
The Silver Lining To Being A Loser
So I have a ton of free time. (I'm pretty sure I've mentioned this before). Even employed, I have a plethora of free time.
I am fully a loser. At this point I have chosen to convert my lack of a social life to becoming a complete nerd. Nerds everywhere will look up to me. They will wish that they had the time to get as dorky as I have become.
In the past 2 months (give or take) I have advanced my level of expertise in Photoshop. I have learned Illustrator and InDesign. Today I began to learn HTML & CSS. I WILL learn how to build and design my own website by the end of this month. I may not be great at any of these things individually, however, I will learn a basic level of all of them. Lynda.com is my new best friend, my only friend.
I'm sure some of you are thinking, "Erin, why don't you just hang out with your real-life friends?". Well, the short answer is all of my friends are in relationships. Where all of them have managed to make 2012 the best year of thier lives by getting married, moving in together, having babies, or just meeting someone they have fallen in love with, I have managed to move backwards.
I don't blame them. I was in a relationship with someone I loved as well. I know how it feels.
The second answer is that I am broke at the moment- and probably will be until 2014 or so (assuming doomsday doesnt come first).
This is the standard track of my friends and average people my age (29):
Birth> Grade School> Highschool> College> Grad School> Getting thier first real job> Meeting the love of thier lives> Advancing in thier career> Moving in with the love of thier lives> Getting Engaged> Getting Married (Between the ages of 25-30)> Having babies> (we will end this here because most of my friends are 28-30).
This has been my life thus far:
Birth> Grade School> Highschool> College> (Note: this is where it changes) Meeting the love of my life> Getting my first job> Moving in with the love of my life> Advancing slightly in my career> Moving back to Miami with the love of my life> HUGE downgrade in my career & salary, not to mention a NEW career> Advancement in my career> Complete change in my career for no fault of my own, mostly due to the work of midly retarded, egotistical, incompetent criminals> Demotion of everything work wise> Breaking up with said love of my life> Applying for grad school.
So basically I am back to the point of being 23, but actually being 29. I am now applying for grad school and trying to start my life over again with very little hope and no prospects. I feel awesome.
So, I am learning HTML and CSS. I am reading furousiously. I am watching every episode of Boardwalk Empire (which I am not a HUGE fun of, it's ok- it passes the time). I am blogging. I am waiting to hear from school. I am waking up each day and going to bed each night trying to fill the time inbetween with sleeping some more or learning.
So, the silver lining to this crap situation? I will come out on the other side being a bigger nerd and huge loser. At least I'm a little pretty. So that helps, if I ever decide (or can afford) to leave my apartment.
I am fully a loser. At this point I have chosen to convert my lack of a social life to becoming a complete nerd. Nerds everywhere will look up to me. They will wish that they had the time to get as dorky as I have become.
In the past 2 months (give or take) I have advanced my level of expertise in Photoshop. I have learned Illustrator and InDesign. Today I began to learn HTML & CSS. I WILL learn how to build and design my own website by the end of this month. I may not be great at any of these things individually, however, I will learn a basic level of all of them. Lynda.com is my new best friend, my only friend.
I'm sure some of you are thinking, "Erin, why don't you just hang out with your real-life friends?". Well, the short answer is all of my friends are in relationships. Where all of them have managed to make 2012 the best year of thier lives by getting married, moving in together, having babies, or just meeting someone they have fallen in love with, I have managed to move backwards.
I don't blame them. I was in a relationship with someone I loved as well. I know how it feels.
The second answer is that I am broke at the moment- and probably will be until 2014 or so (assuming doomsday doesnt come first).
This is the standard track of my friends and average people my age (29):
Birth> Grade School> Highschool> College> Grad School> Getting thier first real job> Meeting the love of thier lives> Advancing in thier career> Moving in with the love of thier lives> Getting Engaged> Getting Married (Between the ages of 25-30)> Having babies> (we will end this here because most of my friends are 28-30).
This has been my life thus far:
Birth> Grade School> Highschool> College> (Note: this is where it changes) Meeting the love of my life> Getting my first job> Moving in with the love of my life> Advancing slightly in my career> Moving back to Miami with the love of my life> HUGE downgrade in my career & salary, not to mention a NEW career> Advancement in my career> Complete change in my career for no fault of my own, mostly due to the work of midly retarded, egotistical, incompetent criminals> Demotion of everything work wise> Breaking up with said love of my life> Applying for grad school.
So basically I am back to the point of being 23, but actually being 29. I am now applying for grad school and trying to start my life over again with very little hope and no prospects. I feel awesome.
So, I am learning HTML and CSS. I am reading furousiously. I am watching every episode of Boardwalk Empire (which I am not a HUGE fun of, it's ok- it passes the time). I am blogging. I am waiting to hear from school. I am waking up each day and going to bed each night trying to fill the time inbetween with sleeping some more or learning.
So, the silver lining to this crap situation? I will come out on the other side being a bigger nerd and huge loser. At least I'm a little pretty. So that helps, if I ever decide (or can afford) to leave my apartment.
Friday, September 14, 2012
Gone Girl (Kinda How I Feel) by Gillian Flynn
So, I havent been posting. I have actually been trying to avoid the elephant in MY room, my relationship. So instead, I will return to books for today.
I read some AWESOME books the past few days. I read the following three books by Gillian Flynn:
-Gone Girl
-Dark Places
-Sharp Objects
Before I begin, I'll start with the fact that I am NOT a murder mystery/thriller type of girl. These books, however, are amazing.
Gone Girl, a recent addition to the NY Times Best Seller List is about a married couple on the day of their anniversary. On their anniversary, she goes missing. The book alternates between the the male and female couple's story every chapter. It is gripping, and soooo sick its impressive the author has such a horrifying mind. I want very badly to tell you all what happens, but I would do it a disservice.
Dark Places is the worst of the 3 books, however, I would still give it 5 stars (if I hadn't read the other 2 books).
I must say, it is so hard writing about the things that are not occupying the forefront of my mind. Maybe sometime soon.
I read some AWESOME books the past few days. I read the following three books by Gillian Flynn:
-Gone Girl
-Dark Places
-Sharp Objects
Before I begin, I'll start with the fact that I am NOT a murder mystery/thriller type of girl. These books, however, are amazing.
Gone Girl, a recent addition to the NY Times Best Seller List is about a married couple on the day of their anniversary. On their anniversary, she goes missing. The book alternates between the the male and female couple's story every chapter. It is gripping, and soooo sick its impressive the author has such a horrifying mind. I want very badly to tell you all what happens, but I would do it a disservice.
Dark Places is the worst of the 3 books, however, I would still give it 5 stars (if I hadn't read the other 2 books).
I must say, it is so hard writing about the things that are not occupying the forefront of my mind. Maybe sometime soon.
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Birthday Texts
Monday, September 10, 2012
Another Miami-ism
I'm studying for a test I have to take this week, so haven't had much time to post. Here is something I found today. Enjoy:
Friday, September 7, 2012
TV
My blog seems to be turning into a "getting to know me" forum. Wonder what my therapist would say about that. In the spirit of getting to know me and per a conversation I had about my blog earlier today, I thought I'd list all the TV shows I watch. This blog is about 4 books behind. Surprisingly enough, I read a book every few days but still manage to find time to work, watch tv and go out.
Guilty Pleasures:
16 and Pregnant
Teen Mom
Teen Mom 2
Say yes to the dress
The real L word
I didn't know I was pregnant
My Cat From Hell (or something like that)
Cake Boss
The Little Couple
Shows that are underrated:
Dr. G- Medical Examiner
Untold stories of the ER
Mystery ER
Doomsday Preppers
Bar Rescue (I want to devote a full post to this)
Flip Men
Intervention
Hoarders
Deadliest Catch
OK Shows (Now- used to be better)
Private Practice
The Office
Community
Family Guy
Futurama
Parks and Recreation
Good Shows:
Grey's Anatomy
The Big C
Dexter
True Blood
Girls
East Bound an Down
Larry David
Game of Thrones
Nurse Jackie
Best Shows on TV but now is cancelled:
Lost
Arrested Development
Best Show on TV currently: (possibly ever)
The Newsroom
That about sums it up.
Guilty Pleasures:
16 and Pregnant
Teen Mom
Teen Mom 2
Say yes to the dress
The real L word
I didn't know I was pregnant
My Cat From Hell (or something like that)
Cake Boss
The Little Couple
Shows that are underrated:
Dr. G- Medical Examiner
Untold stories of the ER
Mystery ER
Doomsday Preppers
Bar Rescue (I want to devote a full post to this)
Flip Men
Intervention
Hoarders
Deadliest Catch
OK Shows (Now- used to be better)
Private Practice
The Office
Community
Family Guy
Futurama
Parks and Recreation
Good Shows:
Grey's Anatomy
The Big C
Dexter
True Blood
Girls
East Bound an Down
Larry David
Game of Thrones
Nurse Jackie
Best Shows on TV but now is cancelled:
Lost
Arrested Development
Best Show on TV currently: (possibly ever)
The Newsroom
That about sums it up.
Thursday, September 6, 2012
Advertising
What type of advertising would make you want to buy flooring? I imagine a pictures of nice flooring would do the trick. Maybe, pictures of nice indoor and outdoor flooring with the sales guy smiling and pointing it out. Not very exciting, however definitely gets the point across. Personally an ad I would design would look like this.
A flooring company in Miami chose this as an alternative to any normal flooring ad you can think of.
I have to give credit to these guys because I always look at the sign, however, I don't get it at all. Is that Don Bailey? If so, why is he naked. You cant even see the floor on this billboard. That is just annoying.
Now, this is a sticker I saw on what I think was a handicapped or elderly transportation van. At least these guys have a sense of humor. However, I would never let them drive a loved on around.
I have no words for this other than its funny. Because I think its funny, that is obviously why handicapped people hate me.
On of my personal favorites, a soda machine that you would only see in Miami. I will leave you with this for today. Enjoy.
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Thank you readers
LOL...Just had to share this. I was looking at the stats of this blog. (Thank you all 14 Russian readers! And a big FU to the 2 Signaporian (?) Singapori (?) who stopped reading).
Someone found my blog this month by googling "Poop Stall"....awesome!
Someone found my blog this month by googling "Poop Stall"....awesome!
I forgot the clever name of this post that I thought about earlier today.
Einstein said the definition of insanity is doing the same
thing over and over again and expecting different results. I am without a doubt
insane. I thought it was all the drugs I did in elementary school, middle
school, high school, college and earlier today that caused my insanity, but
really its just society. (Just kidding mom!)
-I eat everyday expecting that the calories won’t count.
-Everyday I circle around the free parking area outside my
job and almost never find a spot.
-Everyday I go to bed expecting to wake up and have it be
Saturday afternoon.
-Everyday (almost) I write on this blog. I don’t know what I
expect, but it hasn’t been nearly as gratifying or therapeutic as I thought it
may be.
-Every time I have sex I expect I will get pregnant. I never
do…thanks birth control!
-Everyday I go to work expecting working will make me
wealthy.
-Everyday I think of something that I may want to write
about in this blog and exactly how to do it. I postpone writing it until later
and it NEVER comes out how I thought it would, nor do I say what I thought
about saying verbatim earlier in the day. Usually, I can’t remember what I was
thinking at all.
-Everyday I work on building the courage to flick off a
random stranger on the road for absolutely no reason, and everyday I believe I
will do it. I never do.
-In general, I make the same poor choices over and over
again.
I’ll end this post with some words of wisdom: Happiness is a
warm bagel.
(This was the slogan on the back of the morbidly obese woman’s
shirt in front of me in line at Chicken Kitchen).
Sunday, September 2, 2012
Whoa...it happened.
Well it's finally happened. I really didn't think it would ever happen to me. I saw this scenario once on the Larry David show, and I honestly believed that it would never happen.
Earlier today I went to go eat sushi. I finished my meal and paid. Before heading to Starbucks, I thought I'd go to the bathroom. I had to poop. It happens to the best of us. The bathroom in my sushi place has 3 stalls. 2 small ones and one large beautiful handicapped stall.
Since this was going to be an extended experience, I chose the handicapped stall as I usually do (even if it was just number one). It's nicer, roomier, private sink, and metal bars in case I found myself in a scenario that I may need something to grip on to.
As I am busy doing my thing, one person comes in with a child. I hear them talking. I am almost finished but not quite ready yet. They try my stall door. When they find out it's locked. The woman says "someone is obviously in there". The child replies "But I need to go in the bigger one". At this point I am hurrying to wash my hands and collect my things. The woman says "well some people use the handicapped bathroom even though they aren't supposed to". Oh, fuck.
I open the door, the child is in a wheelchair and both the 4-5 year old girl and her grandmother are glaring at me. Fuck fuck fuck.
They didn't say anything mean- I said "I'm sorry" before rushing around them to leave. They didn't smile, they just looked really disappointed in me, and humanity as a whole. I am a terrible person.
Not only did I used the handicapped stall and forced a handicapped little girl to wait for me to finish. I had pooped and now she had to deal with my stall and the smell I imagine I left behind.
I will never use a handicapped bathroom again. I know I will again, probably later today even, but I will feel bad about it at least until tomorrow.
I've never had a good relationship with the handicapped come to think about it. I remember in high school there was a boy in a wheelchair that hated me. I don't know why, he just did. I remember once I entered a closed in hallway and he and I were the only ones in there, all the other students were in class. I was at one end and he was at the other. I needed to go though the hallway and get to the other door to get to my class. I look at him, he looks at me. I start walking in his direction and he starts wheeling in mine. As I am walking pretending I'm not terrified, he has his eyes fixed on me and starts going faster. He is literally at one point going as fast as he can, I'm walking at a slightly elevated pace concerned because he is coming straight for me. As we get closer about to pass he shifts his wheelchair direction and goes straight for me to ram me into the lockers. Because I have working legs (not to be mean, but this guy was a dick) I was able to just move quickly enough around him so he just rammed himself into the lockers and not me. I did not look back I basically just ran out of the hallway. I would say it was a scene out of a movie, but if it is, I haven't seen the movie yet.
Wow. Good times in high school. I imagine he is in jail now. I would Facebook him to see, but we never had the same classes and I never knew his name. To his credit I was walking through the air conditioned ESOL and special needs hallway, (the 500 hallway for those of you who went to school with me) and I didn't belong there. Regardless, he shouldn't have tried to kill me. High school violence is a tragedy everywhere, even when kids don't bring guns to school.
Earlier today I went to go eat sushi. I finished my meal and paid. Before heading to Starbucks, I thought I'd go to the bathroom. I had to poop. It happens to the best of us. The bathroom in my sushi place has 3 stalls. 2 small ones and one large beautiful handicapped stall.
Since this was going to be an extended experience, I chose the handicapped stall as I usually do (even if it was just number one). It's nicer, roomier, private sink, and metal bars in case I found myself in a scenario that I may need something to grip on to.
As I am busy doing my thing, one person comes in with a child. I hear them talking. I am almost finished but not quite ready yet. They try my stall door. When they find out it's locked. The woman says "someone is obviously in there". The child replies "But I need to go in the bigger one". At this point I am hurrying to wash my hands and collect my things. The woman says "well some people use the handicapped bathroom even though they aren't supposed to". Oh, fuck.
I open the door, the child is in a wheelchair and both the 4-5 year old girl and her grandmother are glaring at me. Fuck fuck fuck.
They didn't say anything mean- I said "I'm sorry" before rushing around them to leave. They didn't smile, they just looked really disappointed in me, and humanity as a whole. I am a terrible person.
Not only did I used the handicapped stall and forced a handicapped little girl to wait for me to finish. I had pooped and now she had to deal with my stall and the smell I imagine I left behind.
I will never use a handicapped bathroom again. I know I will again, probably later today even, but I will feel bad about it at least until tomorrow.
I've never had a good relationship with the handicapped come to think about it. I remember in high school there was a boy in a wheelchair that hated me. I don't know why, he just did. I remember once I entered a closed in hallway and he and I were the only ones in there, all the other students were in class. I was at one end and he was at the other. I needed to go though the hallway and get to the other door to get to my class. I look at him, he looks at me. I start walking in his direction and he starts wheeling in mine. As I am walking pretending I'm not terrified, he has his eyes fixed on me and starts going faster. He is literally at one point going as fast as he can, I'm walking at a slightly elevated pace concerned because he is coming straight for me. As we get closer about to pass he shifts his wheelchair direction and goes straight for me to ram me into the lockers. Because I have working legs (not to be mean, but this guy was a dick) I was able to just move quickly enough around him so he just rammed himself into the lockers and not me. I did not look back I basically just ran out of the hallway. I would say it was a scene out of a movie, but if it is, I haven't seen the movie yet.
Wow. Good times in high school. I imagine he is in jail now. I would Facebook him to see, but we never had the same classes and I never knew his name. To his credit I was walking through the air conditioned ESOL and special needs hallway, (the 500 hallway for those of you who went to school with me) and I didn't belong there. Regardless, he shouldn't have tried to kill me. High school violence is a tragedy everywhere, even when kids don't bring guns to school.
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Entertaining myself at the DMV
Everyone knows going to the DMV is the worst experience ever. Except for the one in Tallahassee that has a wait time of less than 5 minutes...
Needless to say, I am at the DMV right now. I chose the one in the disgusting Mall of the Americas. The reason I choose this one was because I hoped people wouldn't want to go to a mall for their driver's license and because malls have food courts. I think I also assumed since I've never been to this mall, no one else has either and it would be nearly empty.
I got here a little before noon already starving. So 2.5 hours later I am no closer to getting my license renewed- but I had some nice Burboun chicken from the food court.
Waiting at the DMV is like waiting in an airport for a delayed flight to board- except on airplanes you end your day where you want to be. At the DMV you end up getting something you had already with a minor update on it. Everybody is pissed and looking around at each other wondering what everyone else's number is (like you do in airports wondering who will be sitting around you). Occasionally you overhear "Whats your number?" conversations. All I want to say is "what difference does it make?". What does it mean to you if I'm 322 and you are 348 or 303 and they are currently calling 289 up to the desk. It's not like they gave us numbers based on our life's achievements. It doesn't make me better than you that my number is closer to being called than yours, I'm better than you because I don't ask that question.
There is also the inevitable who would you do mind game. People are looking around, myself included, checking the group as a whole then narrowing down the prospects of- if they had to, they would have sex with these people. I personally would do 1 person here, the guy next to me. I suspect he does not feel the same.
On that note, I'll leave you with a quote. My friend, and the world's greatest Frenchie, Mattieu says: I don't have a dirty mind I have a sexy imagination
Needless to say, I am at the DMV right now. I chose the one in the disgusting Mall of the Americas. The reason I choose this one was because I hoped people wouldn't want to go to a mall for their driver's license and because malls have food courts. I think I also assumed since I've never been to this mall, no one else has either and it would be nearly empty.
I got here a little before noon already starving. So 2.5 hours later I am no closer to getting my license renewed- but I had some nice Burboun chicken from the food court.
Waiting at the DMV is like waiting in an airport for a delayed flight to board- except on airplanes you end your day where you want to be. At the DMV you end up getting something you had already with a minor update on it. Everybody is pissed and looking around at each other wondering what everyone else's number is (like you do in airports wondering who will be sitting around you). Occasionally you overhear "Whats your number?" conversations. All I want to say is "what difference does it make?". What does it mean to you if I'm 322 and you are 348 or 303 and they are currently calling 289 up to the desk. It's not like they gave us numbers based on our life's achievements. It doesn't make me better than you that my number is closer to being called than yours, I'm better than you because I don't ask that question.
There is also the inevitable who would you do mind game. People are looking around, myself included, checking the group as a whole then narrowing down the prospects of- if they had to, they would have sex with these people. I personally would do 1 person here, the guy next to me. I suspect he does not feel the same.
On that note, I'll leave you with a quote. My friend, and the world's greatest Frenchie, Mattieu says: I don't have a dirty mind I have a sexy imagination
Turning 29 is not like turning 30, it's worse
In a matter of days I will be turning 29 years old. To people in their early teens, this may seem cool... it's not. For people older than me, this may seem young...it's not. Just remember when you were 28 and turning 29, thinking about all the things you have not accomplished by the time you were 30. It's a really crappy age. My 30th birthday will be fun, because it's a big birthday and I imagine all 5 friends that I have will force me to have a great time. But 29, this sucks.
Here is a list of things that being 29 inhibits me to do:
-Become an actress on Glee: This really bothers me. Aside from my friends thinking I don't have the talent to be on Glee (assholes), it has become a problem that I am now too old to pass as a high school student. Even too old to pass as a high school student from 90210, where all their actors were in their 30s. Apparently, I look too old to be an unrealistic high school student as well.
-Dream big: What's the point. Honestly.
-Believe my undergraduate college degree would give me my "dream job". Nope. Didn't happen. Some might argue that I still have time to find and get my "dream job". I am a realist, even if I get a job I really love and enjoy and that is perfect for my talents...we all know something will be off. The boss will be an asshole, the company would downsize and/or fail completely, or my co-workers will be so gross and obnoxious that it will make life miserable.
-Dye my hair unnatural colors: It's not respected in the adult world. You end up looking like a hipster, lesbian (guys too), or drug addict. If you are none of those things, it's not a good choice...unless you are on TV and that's cool. Like the pretty one from "The Real L Word" who has slightly pink hair. But then again, she is a hipster-ish lesbian on TV and probably a drug addict.
-Learn a new foreign language or at least improve on one: It's really not going to happen. My Spanish, French and Italian are not getting any better. If anything, I just forget things more often.
-Make new friends: I'm pretty set in my ways at this point and prefer to do what I want to do as opposed to what other people want me to do.
-Take people younger than me seriously: I just can't anymore. I don't want to hear your dreams, because I am an honest person and will have to fight myself to tell you that it probably won't happen. Even if I love you dearly, which sometimes I do, I think of you as "cute" as opposed to interesting or realistic.
-Loose weight easily: Nope, not so easy anymore. F You metabolism.
-Dream small: Because I am older, I understand my limitations. Things like getting a dog, a big dream of mine, seems less realistic unless I live with someone who will help me take care of the dog. I know, it would be really hard for me to put the dog's interests before my own on some occasions- although I would love it unconditionally. I want to name him Taco, Prince Tyrion, Chick Magnet, or The Smoke Monster From Lost (Ticker Tape for short).
-Become famous: It doesn't matter what I become famous for, it's pretty unlikely at this point that I will. Really my only chance at becoming famous it to do something really horrible to a whole lot of people and that's not in the cards at the moment.
-Get piercings: (see Dye my hair unnatural colors above- same reasons)
-Not feel like a cougar when I watch any movie out ever and am attracted to one of the actors.
-Puberty: I can no longer blame mood swings, pimples, irrational obsessions with crushes, or me being an asshole on puberty.
Here is a list of things that being 29 inhibits me to do:
-Become an actress on Glee: This really bothers me. Aside from my friends thinking I don't have the talent to be on Glee (assholes), it has become a problem that I am now too old to pass as a high school student. Even too old to pass as a high school student from 90210, where all their actors were in their 30s. Apparently, I look too old to be an unrealistic high school student as well.
-Dream big: What's the point. Honestly.
-Believe my undergraduate college degree would give me my "dream job". Nope. Didn't happen. Some might argue that I still have time to find and get my "dream job". I am a realist, even if I get a job I really love and enjoy and that is perfect for my talents...we all know something will be off. The boss will be an asshole, the company would downsize and/or fail completely, or my co-workers will be so gross and obnoxious that it will make life miserable.
-Dye my hair unnatural colors: It's not respected in the adult world. You end up looking like a hipster, lesbian (guys too), or drug addict. If you are none of those things, it's not a good choice...unless you are on TV and that's cool. Like the pretty one from "The Real L Word" who has slightly pink hair. But then again, she is a hipster-ish lesbian on TV and probably a drug addict.
-Learn a new foreign language or at least improve on one: It's really not going to happen. My Spanish, French and Italian are not getting any better. If anything, I just forget things more often.
-Make new friends: I'm pretty set in my ways at this point and prefer to do what I want to do as opposed to what other people want me to do.
-Take people younger than me seriously: I just can't anymore. I don't want to hear your dreams, because I am an honest person and will have to fight myself to tell you that it probably won't happen. Even if I love you dearly, which sometimes I do, I think of you as "cute" as opposed to interesting or realistic.
-Loose weight easily: Nope, not so easy anymore. F You metabolism.
-Dream small: Because I am older, I understand my limitations. Things like getting a dog, a big dream of mine, seems less realistic unless I live with someone who will help me take care of the dog. I know, it would be really hard for me to put the dog's interests before my own on some occasions- although I would love it unconditionally. I want to name him Taco, Prince Tyrion, Chick Magnet, or The Smoke Monster From Lost (Ticker Tape for short).
-Become famous: It doesn't matter what I become famous for, it's pretty unlikely at this point that I will. Really my only chance at becoming famous it to do something really horrible to a whole lot of people and that's not in the cards at the moment.
-Get piercings: (see Dye my hair unnatural colors above- same reasons)
-Not feel like a cougar when I watch any movie out ever and am attracted to one of the actors.
-Puberty: I can no longer blame mood swings, pimples, irrational obsessions with crushes, or me being an asshole on puberty.
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Pinterest Me
OMFG- I found the Holy Grail!
I believe I have mentioned that I have recently become obsessed with Pinterest. If you've ever been on it once you know exactly what I am talking about. Yesterday, at about 10:30 I started browsing Pinterest for funny things and looking for things to Repin. I intended to go to bed by 11:00pm. At about 11:30, I found....
Wait for it....
Wait for it...
A Doomsday Prepper's Pinterest board!!!!!!!
I immediatly started re-pinnng her things, following her and all her prepper friends. I have so much prepper information now I feel like I am going to explode! Do you know what you need to make a candle that will burn for 45 days? I do. Do you know how to make your own septic tank? I do... I know it all!
For those of you that live in LA and need to prep for the major earthquake...this lady pinned websites on how to do just that!!!! (You know who you are, and you need to follow me on Pinterest asap...and what happened to you being a guest on my blog?)
The fact that I am so excited about this says a lot about my life at the moment. I am extremely bored. I can't do any of the prepping stuff that I want to, for the sole purpose of entertaining myself and showing guests how crazy I am, mostly because I live in an apartment.
If I had a house with a backyard, there would be no end to the fun things I would entertain myself doing. First on my list, build my own chicken coop with a garden box top to grow herbs. (I dont cook so I doubt I'll ever use them- but they will be pretty). I will sell my eggs to the neighbors (mostly since I eat about 1-2 eggs in month).
I have about 50 million "Do It Yourself" projects, or DIY for insiders, that I need to get working on asap.
I will start with my bathrooms and post when I finish. (Like you care...but this is basically the premise of my blog now. I talk, you read and never comment, so I keep talking to keep myself busy). If you want me to talk about particular things that interest you, comment and I will try.
I believe I have mentioned that I have recently become obsessed with Pinterest. If you've ever been on it once you know exactly what I am talking about. Yesterday, at about 10:30 I started browsing Pinterest for funny things and looking for things to Repin. I intended to go to bed by 11:00pm. At about 11:30, I found....
Wait for it....
Wait for it...
A Doomsday Prepper's Pinterest board!!!!!!!
I immediatly started re-pinnng her things, following her and all her prepper friends. I have so much prepper information now I feel like I am going to explode! Do you know what you need to make a candle that will burn for 45 days? I do. Do you know how to make your own septic tank? I do... I know it all!
For those of you that live in LA and need to prep for the major earthquake...this lady pinned websites on how to do just that!!!! (You know who you are, and you need to follow me on Pinterest asap...and what happened to you being a guest on my blog?)
The fact that I am so excited about this says a lot about my life at the moment. I am extremely bored. I can't do any of the prepping stuff that I want to, for the sole purpose of entertaining myself and showing guests how crazy I am, mostly because I live in an apartment.
If I had a house with a backyard, there would be no end to the fun things I would entertain myself doing. First on my list, build my own chicken coop with a garden box top to grow herbs. (I dont cook so I doubt I'll ever use them- but they will be pretty). I will sell my eggs to the neighbors (mostly since I eat about 1-2 eggs in month).
I have about 50 million "Do It Yourself" projects, or DIY for insiders, that I need to get working on asap.
I will start with my bathrooms and post when I finish. (Like you care...but this is basically the premise of my blog now. I talk, you read and never comment, so I keep talking to keep myself busy). If you want me to talk about particular things that interest you, comment and I will try.
Monday, August 27, 2012
Why I Am Not Approachable...
A likely conversation a stranger might have with me if they met me within the past week:
Stranger: Hey, how's it going? I see you here a lot. You are usually watching movies on your phone or reading. What are you watching?
Me: (Removing headphones, book already on the table) Whatever, it's not important. What's your name?
Stranger: Why? Are you watching porn or something?
Me: No, I tend to alternate between hurricane tracking and watching horrible YouTube videos about kids born in 3rd world countries with really incredible but sad deformities.
Stranger: Umm... Oh, so what are you reading?
Me: "The Spirit Catches You and You Fall Down" by Anne Fadiman.
Stranger: What's it about?
Me: Umm a Hmong child who was born in a traditional family but has epilepsy and the struggle her family and the child's doctors faced with the cultural differences in trying to treat their epileptic daughter.
Stranger: Oh, umm well it was nice meeting you...
Me: It's a really interesting story that delves into the differences... (cut off because stranger is walking away) ok, yeah it was nice meeting you too.
Stranger: Hey, how's it going? I see you here a lot. You are usually watching movies on your phone or reading. What are you watching?
Me: (Removing headphones, book already on the table) Whatever, it's not important. What's your name?
Stranger: Why? Are you watching porn or something?
Me: No, I tend to alternate between hurricane tracking and watching horrible YouTube videos about kids born in 3rd world countries with really incredible but sad deformities.
Stranger: Umm... Oh, so what are you reading?
Me: "The Spirit Catches You and You Fall Down" by Anne Fadiman.
Stranger: What's it about?
Me: Umm a Hmong child who was born in a traditional family but has epilepsy and the struggle her family and the child's doctors faced with the cultural differences in trying to treat their epileptic daughter.
Stranger: Oh, umm well it was nice meeting you...
Me: It's a really interesting story that delves into the differences... (cut off because stranger is walking away) ok, yeah it was nice meeting you too.
Saturday, August 25, 2012
Prison Rules
Wow- the Seminole Hollywood Casino (not the Hard rock) is a hole. I went there tonight to see Sig Hanson from deadliest catch (awesome) and ended up hanging around camel-toed, mullet clad, 500lb-ers (not awesome).
This was a small casino that from the moment you walked in, you immediately got the nicotine consumption you would get from straight-up eating a pack of cigarettes in one breath.
What was amazing was there were at least 300 people there and maybe 50 were playing games or eating. Granted, many people were there to see Sig, but I'm pretty sure there were people there trading cigarettes for money to play slots.
One family was there just hanging out at the bar, not drinking anything, and basically sleeping at the table. With them was their 20-something year old son listening and dancing to hip hop songs on his iPad with headphones. I liked him, he was a one man show.
It's obvious that the place was busy because mobile home owners decided to ride out the hurricane there. Best part, aside from Sig being nice and really funny was that I was hands-down the prettiest girl there (not hard to accomplish).
I only could take a few pictures, so here they are. Oh, and I ordered a Smirnoff Ice as I was trying to blend in with the crowd. Look at the guy in the background- love his hair.
This was a small casino that from the moment you walked in, you immediately got the nicotine consumption you would get from straight-up eating a pack of cigarettes in one breath.
What was amazing was there were at least 300 people there and maybe 50 were playing games or eating. Granted, many people were there to see Sig, but I'm pretty sure there were people there trading cigarettes for money to play slots.
One family was there just hanging out at the bar, not drinking anything, and basically sleeping at the table. With them was their 20-something year old son listening and dancing to hip hop songs on his iPad with headphones. I liked him, he was a one man show.
It's obvious that the place was busy because mobile home owners decided to ride out the hurricane there. Best part, aside from Sig being nice and really funny was that I was hands-down the prettiest girl there (not hard to accomplish).
I only could take a few pictures, so here they are. Oh, and I ordered a Smirnoff Ice as I was trying to blend in with the crowd. Look at the guy in the background- love his hair.
Friday, August 24, 2012
I am Katniss
I wish I could say otherwise, but I love the hunger games. I love the movie- I love the books... I think it's awesome.
I just got a new shipment of books I ordered and I'm looking through them after I just watched the hunger games move again- and even though these books are appealing to me, I want to re-read the hunger games.
I think I must be a teenager stuck in a striking young 28 year old body. Damn, aren't I supposed to be getting more mature with old age?
Guess not. I love it all- twilight, the hunger games, the entire true blood/sookie stackhouse series, all of it.
Doesn't mean I don't love good books or shows, but fuck I love the stupid shit too.
My hurricane plans:
Get batteries for my book light
Get water for my cat to drink
Replace my fan
Stock up on ice and booze for a potential hurricane party
Do laundry before my things stop working
Shave
Buy a gun for potential looters
Just kidding
I have to pee- have a good weekend and comment here or on YouTube regarding my application video. I'm writing you all everyday and I get nothing back... I know you are reading I see it in my stats...
I just got a new shipment of books I ordered and I'm looking through them after I just watched the hunger games move again- and even though these books are appealing to me, I want to re-read the hunger games.
I think I must be a teenager stuck in a striking young 28 year old body. Damn, aren't I supposed to be getting more mature with old age?
Guess not. I love it all- twilight, the hunger games, the entire true blood/sookie stackhouse series, all of it.
Doesn't mean I don't love good books or shows, but fuck I love the stupid shit too.
My hurricane plans:
Get batteries for my book light
Get water for my cat to drink
Replace my fan
Stock up on ice and booze for a potential hurricane party
Do laundry before my things stop working
Shave
Buy a gun for potential looters
Just kidding
I have to pee- have a good weekend and comment here or on YouTube regarding my application video. I'm writing you all everyday and I get nothing back... I know you are reading I see it in my stats...
Thursday, August 23, 2012
My First Video
I had no idea how to begin this assignment. A friend of mine also applied to Miami Ad School and had to make a video as well. Hers was good, kinda funny and very much like an ad on creativity...which is probably 100% what the admissions people want to see.
After seeing her video, there was also the additional challenge that we both have very similar backgrounds and how do I not outright copy her video. She even chose The Postal Service as her background music, which was exactly what I wanted mine to be.
The next step was making kind of an outline of what I wanted to say. So I typed out a "what makes me creative" essay and just thought about that awhile. I hated it and deleted it and re-started it about a hundred times.
Once I had the words, I needed to come up with the visual. First thoughts? Look up pictures of crazy people on the internet, download stills from YouPorn and use photoshop to alter them and pass them off as my original artwork. What I actually ended up doing was going though every picture in the computer and finding the ones that made me look pretty.
Once I found all 5 pictures of myself that I like, I needed to create the story around them. I wanted to include my friends, my family and the fact that I was taught by famous professors...I also kinda wanted to make people cry with how personal and touching it was. I was also going for the "wasn't college fun" feel. Some friends in the video I don't see much anymore, so I was hoping they would remember when watching the video that we used to love each other.
Picking the music I must say was the easiest part. I obviously had to rule out Postal Service, so after that I figured, since I was talking about my family, I should use Cuban music that didn't suck and wasn't so distracting that it would take away from the point of the video. So, I chose Buena Vista Social Club's "Chan Chan" which was immediately called out in an email from a friend that said "good call on the puerto rican music"...dick.
OK, so the video is attached. Please let me know what you think. Do you get what makes me creative? Do you think I should apply to a different school entirely and become a movie director? Reminder- the topic isn't SHOW ME THE ART WORK YOU HAVE DONE...its WHAT MAKES YOU CREATIVE.
I would have loved to include blog shots or have mentioned the blog, but I don't want them to read it. Side note: the video includes my real name and the names of relatives. So, to my 19 Russian readers, and my 1 reader each from the UK, Singapore and Germany- please don't stalk me.
So here it goes, watch the movie and comment. If you are my friend and you weren't in it, its because either I don't have a picture of you, or the picture of you that I have makes you look fat.
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Eww
Certain smells make me naturally shut off my nose and force my body to breathe through my mouth. It's not a pleasant face that I make when this happens and it usually comes with some sort of gag noise. I can't help it.
Freshly cut grass, patrouli, cat poo and BO are usually the smells that shut off my nasal passage.
If you smell like BO and are in a small room, I'm going to make the gag noise, probably gasp for air, and re-adjust my system to breathe trough my mouth.
I encountered this problem today with this guy in a small room. Just me and him. I make my face and gag noises. I don't assume the smell is him- it's too foody to be exclusively BO. So I ask, "oh my god, what is that smell?" he responds, "I don't smell anything."
Awkward silence.
I start breathing through my mouth. He mutters "bitch" under his breath as he leaves the room.
Why am I a bitch??? You smell you fucker! If the room smelled like freshly cut grass I would have the same reaction but I wouldn't question the smell's origin. I genuinely didn't know he ate something ethnic and was BO sweating it out.
Dick.
Freshly cut grass, patrouli, cat poo and BO are usually the smells that shut off my nasal passage.
If you smell like BO and are in a small room, I'm going to make the gag noise, probably gasp for air, and re-adjust my system to breathe trough my mouth.
I encountered this problem today with this guy in a small room. Just me and him. I make my face and gag noises. I don't assume the smell is him- it's too foody to be exclusively BO. So I ask, "oh my god, what is that smell?" he responds, "I don't smell anything."
Awkward silence.
I start breathing through my mouth. He mutters "bitch" under his breath as he leaves the room.
Why am I a bitch??? You smell you fucker! If the room smelled like freshly cut grass I would have the same reaction but I wouldn't question the smell's origin. I genuinely didn't know he ate something ethnic and was BO sweating it out.
Dick.
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Hurricanes and the natural disaster that is my writing
I love tracking hurricanes. My friends say it's obviously because I want a hurricane to hit me. Then again, my friends are assholes. I am truly scared of hurricanes. I have a lived through a few, most notable, hurricane Andrew.
Hurricanes make the power go out, so it's hot and dark. Storm shutters go up making it even darker. Then you hear noises outside like wind, things breaking, things falling. The worst is when you hear animals outside like stray cats crying or in some cases I'm sure they are being flown in different directions by strong winds...which is really sad to hear when you can't do anything about it.
I don't track hurricanes because I'm scared either. Hurricanes are just interesting to me. They are massive storms that have all the same characteristics of other natural disasters that we don't often get in this area: tornados, storm surges, tidal waves, dangerous rip currents, flooding (although that is pretty common for us here in Miami), strong winds...etc.
At this point with technology we can track hurricanes up to a week or more just when they develop off the coast of Africa. We start getting tracking and excessive news coverage about a week or so in advance. It's the only natural disaster that isn't sudden, that gives time for people to prepare. In that sense, we are lucky to have hurricanes as our only major threat to living here, especially since they are only once every 5-10 years.
What still amazes me though, is with all the advance warning we get, there are still assholes that chain themselves to the bottoms of their trailers refusing to leave, and soooo many people that do not prepare at all. To the defense of those effected by Katrina, especially in New Orleans, no one expected the levies to break, so there wasn't anything anyone could have done individually to prepare for what happened there.
Right now there is a tropical depression forecasted to hit Miami by Tuesday of next week. By the end of the day it will be Tropical Storm Isaac, and in a day or two it will be hurricane Isaac. By the time it makes US landfall it is expected to be a Category 2 or 3 hurricane. Which isn't bad, could be worse. The tracks can change and it may swing to the left or right of Miami, but as of now it is predicted to be a direct hit. At the moment, I'm not scared, I'm not panicked. I will, however, go and buy extra cat food and bottled water before it sells out.
This is the scary thing. About 2 days before a storm hits, water, plywood, many animal and people canned goods, duct tape, batteries, and other supplies sell out. Even gas stations for the most part are empty right before or right after a storm.
This is what makes the idea of doomsday kind of scary. If we all get wiped out by some nuclear event, so be it. However, if it is something like a catastrophic economic downfall, or a powerful solar flare, supplies will run out asap. Looting will happen asap. Starving to death or trying to fight people not to rob you of whatever it is that you are living off of does not sound like a good idea to me. The doomsday preppers will be the ones who survive. Everyone else will die slow miserable suffering deaths or get killed by other people. That is scary.
It may sound hard to believe if you are reading this...I swear I am not paranoid. That is just by train of thought this morning. The only other thing on my mind is that I hate the colors of my new iphone case- my hurricane tracking obsession makes a better story.
I should be a weather girl for hurricanes only. I already am one unofficially on Facebook, however, I think it would be fun. My grandfather always thought I would be a great anchor woman and had the looks for it. Little does he know I am practically blind, haven't gotten glasses yet, and would never be able to read a teleprompter fast enough or correctly. I am not a great out-loud reader.
I think I would call my segment OCD with Erin. The Ongoing Caribbean Discussion brought to you by Erin and the experts at the National Hurricane Center.
Poor Haiti, they are going to get hit by this thing badly. :( That's the last thing they need.
Hurricanes make the power go out, so it's hot and dark. Storm shutters go up making it even darker. Then you hear noises outside like wind, things breaking, things falling. The worst is when you hear animals outside like stray cats crying or in some cases I'm sure they are being flown in different directions by strong winds...which is really sad to hear when you can't do anything about it.
I don't track hurricanes because I'm scared either. Hurricanes are just interesting to me. They are massive storms that have all the same characteristics of other natural disasters that we don't often get in this area: tornados, storm surges, tidal waves, dangerous rip currents, flooding (although that is pretty common for us here in Miami), strong winds...etc.
At this point with technology we can track hurricanes up to a week or more just when they develop off the coast of Africa. We start getting tracking and excessive news coverage about a week or so in advance. It's the only natural disaster that isn't sudden, that gives time for people to prepare. In that sense, we are lucky to have hurricanes as our only major threat to living here, especially since they are only once every 5-10 years.
What still amazes me though, is with all the advance warning we get, there are still assholes that chain themselves to the bottoms of their trailers refusing to leave, and soooo many people that do not prepare at all. To the defense of those effected by Katrina, especially in New Orleans, no one expected the levies to break, so there wasn't anything anyone could have done individually to prepare for what happened there.
Right now there is a tropical depression forecasted to hit Miami by Tuesday of next week. By the end of the day it will be Tropical Storm Isaac, and in a day or two it will be hurricane Isaac. By the time it makes US landfall it is expected to be a Category 2 or 3 hurricane. Which isn't bad, could be worse. The tracks can change and it may swing to the left or right of Miami, but as of now it is predicted to be a direct hit. At the moment, I'm not scared, I'm not panicked. I will, however, go and buy extra cat food and bottled water before it sells out.
This is the scary thing. About 2 days before a storm hits, water, plywood, many animal and people canned goods, duct tape, batteries, and other supplies sell out. Even gas stations for the most part are empty right before or right after a storm.
This is what makes the idea of doomsday kind of scary. If we all get wiped out by some nuclear event, so be it. However, if it is something like a catastrophic economic downfall, or a powerful solar flare, supplies will run out asap. Looting will happen asap. Starving to death or trying to fight people not to rob you of whatever it is that you are living off of does not sound like a good idea to me. The doomsday preppers will be the ones who survive. Everyone else will die slow miserable suffering deaths or get killed by other people. That is scary.
It may sound hard to believe if you are reading this...I swear I am not paranoid. That is just by train of thought this morning. The only other thing on my mind is that I hate the colors of my new iphone case- my hurricane tracking obsession makes a better story.
I should be a weather girl for hurricanes only. I already am one unofficially on Facebook, however, I think it would be fun. My grandfather always thought I would be a great anchor woman and had the looks for it. Little does he know I am practically blind, haven't gotten glasses yet, and would never be able to read a teleprompter fast enough or correctly. I am not a great out-loud reader.
I think I would call my segment OCD with Erin. The Ongoing Caribbean Discussion brought to you by Erin and the experts at the National Hurricane Center.
Poor Haiti, they are going to get hit by this thing badly. :( That's the last thing they need.
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