Last night I thought of someone I haven't thought of in years.
Last week, I had spoken to one of my close friends on the phone about my recent break up. She was telling me that her and her boyfriend were trying to think of people they knew that I might like. She found it hard because she realized, even having had met some of my previous boyfriends, and knowing my most recent well, and knowing me very well, it was hard for her to put together what my "type" might be.
I agreed with her, that I don't even know what my type is. Every person I have dated has been extremely different from the last. One pretty interesting person I liked was this guy I had met, Rhett.
It was my freshman year in college, and I was spending a lot of time at Esperanto Cafe in the west village. It was open 24 hours, so it was a great place to go to get out of my dorm room and read and/or study. After a while, I had met friends there that were regulars that I would hang out with on occasion.
One night, I met Rhett. Or rather, I forced Rhett to meet me. I was drinking tea and reading, and I noticed Rhett sitting at a table across from mine. I thought he was cute and he was there doing the same thing I was doing, so I thought I would introduce myself. (ahh...the confidence of youth).
Rhett and I ended up talking all night. I definitly saw red flags that I, of course, ignored. One of the biggest ones was that he carried around a journal that he would write the names of people he met and he would put some notes in about what they did (or in my case that I was a student, studing art history at NYU and wanted to become either an art lawyer or work my way up to me a museum director). He didn't ask for my phone number or email for his journal. When I asked what the journal was for, he said that networking is very important, and you never know when you will need to contact someone.
He was in law school at the time. He was in his early 30s or late 20s. In college, he had majored in 10 different subjects. He was from Georgia. He was smart and very interesting.
After that first meeting, we ended up seeing eachother a lot in the coffee shop and occasionally he or I would call arranging to meet up. One night, I realized that I hadnt read "Twilight of the Idols" and that I was going to have a test on it the following day.
He and I stayed up all night until about 7am with me and not only explained the entire book, he explained all others books by Neitzsche in detail. This was another red flag. Not that he was smart, but that he was crazy smart. He would talk to me about things that I was interested in, however when he would explain something and drop a name in like Joe Fitsimmons, I'd nod through it (seeing how it was someone that was NOT relevant to the story) and immediately he's stop and say "Do you know who that is?", caught, I'd say "No, but I didn't want to stop you" and he's say something along the lines of "Joe Fitsimmons is the brother of the cousin of this supreme court justice. I can't believe you didn't know that...what are they teaching you in school"? My response was a big smile to which he would role his eyes. (FYI- my answer now would be "How is that relevant?" or something like "look at you cool guy"....actually, I'd probably just still smile.)
One night we kissed.
Part 2 coming soon.... (I don't know why but I have actually been busy and this story has literally taken me days to write...)
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Thursday, September 20, 2012
iTunes U and the loss of my human life
Well Apple has done it again. When I wrote my post for Monday, iTunes U was not yet available. Now, since the download of iOS6 on my phone, Apple has now made it easier for me to become an even bigger nerd than I had already expected to become. Dammit.
If you haven't updated your phone, or you are not YET an Apple user, you don't know about iTunes U. Its an app filled with hundreds of free courses on almost any topic from a wide range of Universities. As of this morning, I am listening to lectures and reading the course materials for a Philosophy class on Death hosted by Yale University.
Its amazing! Not the class per se but the app provides all lectures that the professor has held in the course available for free download. Additionally, the app offers the course readings free for download. The only thing that is paid for is if the professor would like the class to read a full book. The death class has 3 books the students should read, and those books are available to read on your iPad for $0.99. Pretty amazing. So now, when I am driving, instead of listening to music or every "This American Life" episode ever, I am listening to a professor lecture on Death from a philosophical standpoint.
The app even has features where you can write notes for the class on each reading and each video/audio element. Fuck, Apple is good.
Because of this, I'm afraid I have to make an announcement. To my real-life family and friends: I love you. I know we don't see much of each other as it is, however I am sad to say, this new obsession with Lynda.com and iTunes U and trying to learn everything possible, is going to turn me into a hermit. If you told me I was supposed to meet you at 8pm and I get there at 9:30pm, its cause I am learning something or am in "class". Don't be mad, just ask me what I learned today. If I say "you wouldn't understand" punch me in the face because I deserve it. However, don't be surprised if you get an email of a course from me saying "listen to this, let's meet up next week and discuss". I am already starting to hate myself for this.
Maybe when my actual school accepts me and I start going to classes I won't have as much time for this. Maybe I'll be excited to venture out into the real world. For now, I am finding it difficult to communicate with people in front of me or on the phone because my internal monologue has become so loud in my head due to lack of human interaction that I am finding it increasingly difficult to concentrate on anything else.
I wonder what my therapist would have to say about this? If she kept my appointments more, then maybe I could ask to her.
If you haven't updated your phone, or you are not YET an Apple user, you don't know about iTunes U. Its an app filled with hundreds of free courses on almost any topic from a wide range of Universities. As of this morning, I am listening to lectures and reading the course materials for a Philosophy class on Death hosted by Yale University.
Its amazing! Not the class per se but the app provides all lectures that the professor has held in the course available for free download. Additionally, the app offers the course readings free for download. The only thing that is paid for is if the professor would like the class to read a full book. The death class has 3 books the students should read, and those books are available to read on your iPad for $0.99. Pretty amazing. So now, when I am driving, instead of listening to music or every "This American Life" episode ever, I am listening to a professor lecture on Death from a philosophical standpoint.
The app even has features where you can write notes for the class on each reading and each video/audio element. Fuck, Apple is good.
Because of this, I'm afraid I have to make an announcement. To my real-life family and friends: I love you. I know we don't see much of each other as it is, however I am sad to say, this new obsession with Lynda.com and iTunes U and trying to learn everything possible, is going to turn me into a hermit. If you told me I was supposed to meet you at 8pm and I get there at 9:30pm, its cause I am learning something or am in "class". Don't be mad, just ask me what I learned today. If I say "you wouldn't understand" punch me in the face because I deserve it. However, don't be surprised if you get an email of a course from me saying "listen to this, let's meet up next week and discuss". I am already starting to hate myself for this.
Maybe when my actual school accepts me and I start going to classes I won't have as much time for this. Maybe I'll be excited to venture out into the real world. For now, I am finding it difficult to communicate with people in front of me or on the phone because my internal monologue has become so loud in my head due to lack of human interaction that I am finding it increasingly difficult to concentrate on anything else.
I wonder what my therapist would have to say about this? If she kept my appointments more, then maybe I could ask to her.
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Saving Up For In-vitro...
I just listened to a "This American Life" episode called Somewhere Out There. The show was about the likelihood of finding someone for you. It started with the mathematical theory called the "Drake Equation". Here is the definition:
The Drake equation is a mathematical equation used to estimate the number of detectableextraterrestrial civilizations in the Milky Way galaxy. It is used in the field of the Search for ExtraTerrestrial Intelligence (SETI). The equation was devised in 1961 by Frank Drake, Emeritus Professor of Astronomy and Astrophysics at the University of California, Santa Cruz.
A bunch of girlfriend-less Harvard math graduates decided to apply this equation to their lives to determine the likelihood they would find girlfriends. I have decided to apply this to my life:
Using a calculator and census demographics, here is my conclusion:
Population of Miami: 362,470
Population of Males (because I like boys): 180,194
The number of males is slightly larger than females by about 2,000. So, lets just call it half.
The age range I would be interested in would really be about 28-35. So statistically this is hard to estimate since the age demographics are in ranges 25-34 and 35-44. The number for 24-34 is 54,264 and 35-44 is 55,682. Since both age groups are relatively the same and include an age range of 10 years, I am going to pick 10 years as well. 28-38 years old.
I am going to say that age range is 50,000. Now eliminate the women. 25,000 men in my age range in miami.
Lets rule out married or girlfriend-ed guys.
The statistics show 13.56% are married, 26.35% have children and 2.38% have an un-married partner. That is 42.29% of the full population. I will call it half since Miami has a high gay population and I am not really looking for unmarried guys with kids. So out of 25,000 we go to 12,500 men.
Now, I would like a college graduate. Statistically only 27% of the population of America has college degrees.
Ugh...hard math.
So, I'm thinking give or take 4,687 men that are single, without kids, who live in Miami and have graduated college.
Now, I want to rule out really short guys. I'd like someone my height 5'9" or taller. Statistically, the average man is 5'10" in America. Which according to the website, half are not 5'10". So, 2,343 men.
I would like someone employed. The unemployment rate in Miami is 12.5%.
So 2,050 are gainfully employed.
I'd like this guy to make within a range of what I am making or more. For discretional purposes, I will not include the range. It's a little less than half by percentage.
So we are down to 1,100 men.
Now, here comes the hard part, how many of those men would actually be attracted to me?
I'm going to be relatively realistic here and say 1 in 10 guys finds me attractive. I would say out of those 1/20 guys would actually ask me out.
That leaves me 55 guys in all of Miami-Dade County (which is HUGE) that would actually ask me out that I would be interested in.
These 55 guys does not include guys weeding me out or me weeding them out based on things like religion for example. Religion is not a huge issue for me because I don't have one. But, that is a huge deal for a lot of people.
I also didn't rule out men that don't speak English (which is important in Miami) or where English was their first language. So you can rule out a few there...probably down to 30 guys.With the religion thing, maybe 25.
I didn't deduce by which zip codes these men would statistically be in. Miami is huge and has soo many. Realistically, I am only ever in about 7 different zip codes which reduces the likelihood by a lot that these 25 would spend time in the same ones.
I don't think I gave enough credit to the gay population here as well.
I didn't rule out guys who wear rhinestone t-shirts or sunglasses at night.
I didn't rule out men that had relationship-inhibiting disabilities.
I didn't rule out anyone by race. (I am sorta open, but realistically long-term I'm not sure how big racial differences would influence the success of our relationship).
I didn't rule out guys with STDs.
I didn't account for a ratio of guys that I find attractive (although some were weeded out through my deductions, but really the only physical thing I weeded out was height.)
Pretty much at this point I am looking at negative numbers OR with the best possible options maybe 5 or less guys.
I would say I've already dated 1-2 of them, but that isn't true. The guys I have dated that I have met in Miami don't meet the basic requirements above. It didn't work out, big surprise- but I have to be honest, I genuinely didn't want or expect it to. In fact, I am not sure I can recall anyone I have met in Miami that I wanted to date and thought it would work out. Again, not surprising considering how many are here for me.
But to be an optimist, there are 1-5 guys in Miami that I have a chance of dating if we are in the right place at the right time. Awesome.
The Drake equation is a mathematical equation used to estimate the number of detectableextraterrestrial civilizations in the Milky Way galaxy. It is used in the field of the Search for ExtraTerrestrial Intelligence (SETI). The equation was devised in 1961 by Frank Drake, Emeritus Professor of Astronomy and Astrophysics at the University of California, Santa Cruz.
A bunch of girlfriend-less Harvard math graduates decided to apply this equation to their lives to determine the likelihood they would find girlfriends. I have decided to apply this to my life:
Using a calculator and census demographics, here is my conclusion:
Population of Miami: 362,470
Population of Males (because I like boys): 180,194
The number of males is slightly larger than females by about 2,000. So, lets just call it half.
The age range I would be interested in would really be about 28-35. So statistically this is hard to estimate since the age demographics are in ranges 25-34 and 35-44. The number for 24-34 is 54,264 and 35-44 is 55,682. Since both age groups are relatively the same and include an age range of 10 years, I am going to pick 10 years as well. 28-38 years old.
I am going to say that age range is 50,000. Now eliminate the women. 25,000 men in my age range in miami.
Lets rule out married or girlfriend-ed guys.
The statistics show 13.56% are married, 26.35% have children and 2.38% have an un-married partner. That is 42.29% of the full population. I will call it half since Miami has a high gay population and I am not really looking for unmarried guys with kids. So out of 25,000 we go to 12,500 men.
Now, I would like a college graduate. Statistically only 27% of the population of America has college degrees.
Ugh...hard math.
So, I'm thinking give or take 4,687 men that are single, without kids, who live in Miami and have graduated college.
Now, I want to rule out really short guys. I'd like someone my height 5'9" or taller. Statistically, the average man is 5'10" in America. Which according to the website, half are not 5'10". So, 2,343 men.
I would like someone employed. The unemployment rate in Miami is 12.5%.
So 2,050 are gainfully employed.
I'd like this guy to make within a range of what I am making or more. For discretional purposes, I will not include the range. It's a little less than half by percentage.
So we are down to 1,100 men.
Now, here comes the hard part, how many of those men would actually be attracted to me?
I'm going to be relatively realistic here and say 1 in 10 guys finds me attractive. I would say out of those 1/20 guys would actually ask me out.
That leaves me 55 guys in all of Miami-Dade County (which is HUGE) that would actually ask me out that I would be interested in.
These 55 guys does not include guys weeding me out or me weeding them out based on things like religion for example. Religion is not a huge issue for me because I don't have one. But, that is a huge deal for a lot of people.
I also didn't rule out men that don't speak English (which is important in Miami) or where English was their first language. So you can rule out a few there...probably down to 30 guys.With the religion thing, maybe 25.
I didn't deduce by which zip codes these men would statistically be in. Miami is huge and has soo many. Realistically, I am only ever in about 7 different zip codes which reduces the likelihood by a lot that these 25 would spend time in the same ones.
I don't think I gave enough credit to the gay population here as well.
I didn't rule out guys who wear rhinestone t-shirts or sunglasses at night.
I didn't rule out men that had relationship-inhibiting disabilities.
I didn't rule out anyone by race. (I am sorta open, but realistically long-term I'm not sure how big racial differences would influence the success of our relationship).
I didn't rule out guys with STDs.
I didn't account for a ratio of guys that I find attractive (although some were weeded out through my deductions, but really the only physical thing I weeded out was height.)
Pretty much at this point I am looking at negative numbers OR with the best possible options maybe 5 or less guys.
I would say I've already dated 1-2 of them, but that isn't true. The guys I have dated that I have met in Miami don't meet the basic requirements above. It didn't work out, big surprise- but I have to be honest, I genuinely didn't want or expect it to. In fact, I am not sure I can recall anyone I have met in Miami that I wanted to date and thought it would work out. Again, not surprising considering how many are here for me.
But to be an optimist, there are 1-5 guys in Miami that I have a chance of dating if we are in the right place at the right time. Awesome.
Monday, September 17, 2012
The Silver Lining To Being A Loser
So I have a ton of free time. (I'm pretty sure I've mentioned this before). Even employed, I have a plethora of free time.
I am fully a loser. At this point I have chosen to convert my lack of a social life to becoming a complete nerd. Nerds everywhere will look up to me. They will wish that they had the time to get as dorky as I have become.
In the past 2 months (give or take) I have advanced my level of expertise in Photoshop. I have learned Illustrator and InDesign. Today I began to learn HTML & CSS. I WILL learn how to build and design my own website by the end of this month. I may not be great at any of these things individually, however, I will learn a basic level of all of them. Lynda.com is my new best friend, my only friend.
I'm sure some of you are thinking, "Erin, why don't you just hang out with your real-life friends?". Well, the short answer is all of my friends are in relationships. Where all of them have managed to make 2012 the best year of thier lives by getting married, moving in together, having babies, or just meeting someone they have fallen in love with, I have managed to move backwards.
I don't blame them. I was in a relationship with someone I loved as well. I know how it feels.
The second answer is that I am broke at the moment- and probably will be until 2014 or so (assuming doomsday doesnt come first).
This is the standard track of my friends and average people my age (29):
Birth> Grade School> Highschool> College> Grad School> Getting thier first real job> Meeting the love of thier lives> Advancing in thier career> Moving in with the love of thier lives> Getting Engaged> Getting Married (Between the ages of 25-30)> Having babies> (we will end this here because most of my friends are 28-30).
This has been my life thus far:
Birth> Grade School> Highschool> College> (Note: this is where it changes) Meeting the love of my life> Getting my first job> Moving in with the love of my life> Advancing slightly in my career> Moving back to Miami with the love of my life> HUGE downgrade in my career & salary, not to mention a NEW career> Advancement in my career> Complete change in my career for no fault of my own, mostly due to the work of midly retarded, egotistical, incompetent criminals> Demotion of everything work wise> Breaking up with said love of my life> Applying for grad school.
So basically I am back to the point of being 23, but actually being 29. I am now applying for grad school and trying to start my life over again with very little hope and no prospects. I feel awesome.
So, I am learning HTML and CSS. I am reading furousiously. I am watching every episode of Boardwalk Empire (which I am not a HUGE fun of, it's ok- it passes the time). I am blogging. I am waiting to hear from school. I am waking up each day and going to bed each night trying to fill the time inbetween with sleeping some more or learning.
So, the silver lining to this crap situation? I will come out on the other side being a bigger nerd and huge loser. At least I'm a little pretty. So that helps, if I ever decide (or can afford) to leave my apartment.
I am fully a loser. At this point I have chosen to convert my lack of a social life to becoming a complete nerd. Nerds everywhere will look up to me. They will wish that they had the time to get as dorky as I have become.
In the past 2 months (give or take) I have advanced my level of expertise in Photoshop. I have learned Illustrator and InDesign. Today I began to learn HTML & CSS. I WILL learn how to build and design my own website by the end of this month. I may not be great at any of these things individually, however, I will learn a basic level of all of them. Lynda.com is my new best friend, my only friend.
I'm sure some of you are thinking, "Erin, why don't you just hang out with your real-life friends?". Well, the short answer is all of my friends are in relationships. Where all of them have managed to make 2012 the best year of thier lives by getting married, moving in together, having babies, or just meeting someone they have fallen in love with, I have managed to move backwards.
I don't blame them. I was in a relationship with someone I loved as well. I know how it feels.
The second answer is that I am broke at the moment- and probably will be until 2014 or so (assuming doomsday doesnt come first).
This is the standard track of my friends and average people my age (29):
Birth> Grade School> Highschool> College> Grad School> Getting thier first real job> Meeting the love of thier lives> Advancing in thier career> Moving in with the love of thier lives> Getting Engaged> Getting Married (Between the ages of 25-30)> Having babies> (we will end this here because most of my friends are 28-30).
This has been my life thus far:
Birth> Grade School> Highschool> College> (Note: this is where it changes) Meeting the love of my life> Getting my first job> Moving in with the love of my life> Advancing slightly in my career> Moving back to Miami with the love of my life> HUGE downgrade in my career & salary, not to mention a NEW career> Advancement in my career> Complete change in my career for no fault of my own, mostly due to the work of midly retarded, egotistical, incompetent criminals> Demotion of everything work wise> Breaking up with said love of my life> Applying for grad school.
So basically I am back to the point of being 23, but actually being 29. I am now applying for grad school and trying to start my life over again with very little hope and no prospects. I feel awesome.
So, I am learning HTML and CSS. I am reading furousiously. I am watching every episode of Boardwalk Empire (which I am not a HUGE fun of, it's ok- it passes the time). I am blogging. I am waiting to hear from school. I am waking up each day and going to bed each night trying to fill the time inbetween with sleeping some more or learning.
So, the silver lining to this crap situation? I will come out on the other side being a bigger nerd and huge loser. At least I'm a little pretty. So that helps, if I ever decide (or can afford) to leave my apartment.
Friday, September 14, 2012
Gone Girl (Kinda How I Feel) by Gillian Flynn
So, I havent been posting. I have actually been trying to avoid the elephant in MY room, my relationship. So instead, I will return to books for today.
I read some AWESOME books the past few days. I read the following three books by Gillian Flynn:
-Gone Girl
-Dark Places
-Sharp Objects
Before I begin, I'll start with the fact that I am NOT a murder mystery/thriller type of girl. These books, however, are amazing.
Gone Girl, a recent addition to the NY Times Best Seller List is about a married couple on the day of their anniversary. On their anniversary, she goes missing. The book alternates between the the male and female couple's story every chapter. It is gripping, and soooo sick its impressive the author has such a horrifying mind. I want very badly to tell you all what happens, but I would do it a disservice.
Dark Places is the worst of the 3 books, however, I would still give it 5 stars (if I hadn't read the other 2 books).
I must say, it is so hard writing about the things that are not occupying the forefront of my mind. Maybe sometime soon.
I read some AWESOME books the past few days. I read the following three books by Gillian Flynn:
-Gone Girl
-Dark Places
-Sharp Objects
Before I begin, I'll start with the fact that I am NOT a murder mystery/thriller type of girl. These books, however, are amazing.
Gone Girl, a recent addition to the NY Times Best Seller List is about a married couple on the day of their anniversary. On their anniversary, she goes missing. The book alternates between the the male and female couple's story every chapter. It is gripping, and soooo sick its impressive the author has such a horrifying mind. I want very badly to tell you all what happens, but I would do it a disservice.
Dark Places is the worst of the 3 books, however, I would still give it 5 stars (if I hadn't read the other 2 books).
I must say, it is so hard writing about the things that are not occupying the forefront of my mind. Maybe sometime soon.
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Birthday Texts
Monday, September 10, 2012
Another Miami-ism
I'm studying for a test I have to take this week, so haven't had much time to post. Here is something I found today. Enjoy:
Friday, September 7, 2012
TV
My blog seems to be turning into a "getting to know me" forum. Wonder what my therapist would say about that. In the spirit of getting to know me and per a conversation I had about my blog earlier today, I thought I'd list all the TV shows I watch. This blog is about 4 books behind. Surprisingly enough, I read a book every few days but still manage to find time to work, watch tv and go out.
Guilty Pleasures:
16 and Pregnant
Teen Mom
Teen Mom 2
Say yes to the dress
The real L word
I didn't know I was pregnant
My Cat From Hell (or something like that)
Cake Boss
The Little Couple
Shows that are underrated:
Dr. G- Medical Examiner
Untold stories of the ER
Mystery ER
Doomsday Preppers
Bar Rescue (I want to devote a full post to this)
Flip Men
Intervention
Hoarders
Deadliest Catch
OK Shows (Now- used to be better)
Private Practice
The Office
Community
Family Guy
Futurama
Parks and Recreation
Good Shows:
Grey's Anatomy
The Big C
Dexter
True Blood
Girls
East Bound an Down
Larry David
Game of Thrones
Nurse Jackie
Best Shows on TV but now is cancelled:
Lost
Arrested Development
Best Show on TV currently: (possibly ever)
The Newsroom
That about sums it up.
Guilty Pleasures:
16 and Pregnant
Teen Mom
Teen Mom 2
Say yes to the dress
The real L word
I didn't know I was pregnant
My Cat From Hell (or something like that)
Cake Boss
The Little Couple
Shows that are underrated:
Dr. G- Medical Examiner
Untold stories of the ER
Mystery ER
Doomsday Preppers
Bar Rescue (I want to devote a full post to this)
Flip Men
Intervention
Hoarders
Deadliest Catch
OK Shows (Now- used to be better)
Private Practice
The Office
Community
Family Guy
Futurama
Parks and Recreation
Good Shows:
Grey's Anatomy
The Big C
Dexter
True Blood
Girls
East Bound an Down
Larry David
Game of Thrones
Nurse Jackie
Best Shows on TV but now is cancelled:
Lost
Arrested Development
Best Show on TV currently: (possibly ever)
The Newsroom
That about sums it up.
Thursday, September 6, 2012
Advertising
What type of advertising would make you want to buy flooring? I imagine a pictures of nice flooring would do the trick. Maybe, pictures of nice indoor and outdoor flooring with the sales guy smiling and pointing it out. Not very exciting, however definitely gets the point across. Personally an ad I would design would look like this.
A flooring company in Miami chose this as an alternative to any normal flooring ad you can think of.
I have to give credit to these guys because I always look at the sign, however, I don't get it at all. Is that Don Bailey? If so, why is he naked. You cant even see the floor on this billboard. That is just annoying.
Now, this is a sticker I saw on what I think was a handicapped or elderly transportation van. At least these guys have a sense of humor. However, I would never let them drive a loved on around.
I have no words for this other than its funny. Because I think its funny, that is obviously why handicapped people hate me.
On of my personal favorites, a soda machine that you would only see in Miami. I will leave you with this for today. Enjoy.
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Thank you readers
LOL...Just had to share this. I was looking at the stats of this blog. (Thank you all 14 Russian readers! And a big FU to the 2 Signaporian (?) Singapori (?) who stopped reading).
Someone found my blog this month by googling "Poop Stall"....awesome!
Someone found my blog this month by googling "Poop Stall"....awesome!
I forgot the clever name of this post that I thought about earlier today.
Einstein said the definition of insanity is doing the same
thing over and over again and expecting different results. I am without a doubt
insane. I thought it was all the drugs I did in elementary school, middle
school, high school, college and earlier today that caused my insanity, but
really its just society. (Just kidding mom!)
-I eat everyday expecting that the calories won’t count.
-Everyday I circle around the free parking area outside my
job and almost never find a spot.
-Everyday I go to bed expecting to wake up and have it be
Saturday afternoon.
-Everyday (almost) I write on this blog. I don’t know what I
expect, but it hasn’t been nearly as gratifying or therapeutic as I thought it
may be.
-Every time I have sex I expect I will get pregnant. I never
do…thanks birth control!
-Everyday I go to work expecting working will make me
wealthy.
-Everyday I think of something that I may want to write
about in this blog and exactly how to do it. I postpone writing it until later
and it NEVER comes out how I thought it would, nor do I say what I thought
about saying verbatim earlier in the day. Usually, I can’t remember what I was
thinking at all.
-Everyday I work on building the courage to flick off a
random stranger on the road for absolutely no reason, and everyday I believe I
will do it. I never do.
-In general, I make the same poor choices over and over
again.
I’ll end this post with some words of wisdom: Happiness is a
warm bagel.
(This was the slogan on the back of the morbidly obese woman’s
shirt in front of me in line at Chicken Kitchen).
Sunday, September 2, 2012
Whoa...it happened.
Well it's finally happened. I really didn't think it would ever happen to me. I saw this scenario once on the Larry David show, and I honestly believed that it would never happen.
Earlier today I went to go eat sushi. I finished my meal and paid. Before heading to Starbucks, I thought I'd go to the bathroom. I had to poop. It happens to the best of us. The bathroom in my sushi place has 3 stalls. 2 small ones and one large beautiful handicapped stall.
Since this was going to be an extended experience, I chose the handicapped stall as I usually do (even if it was just number one). It's nicer, roomier, private sink, and metal bars in case I found myself in a scenario that I may need something to grip on to.
As I am busy doing my thing, one person comes in with a child. I hear them talking. I am almost finished but not quite ready yet. They try my stall door. When they find out it's locked. The woman says "someone is obviously in there". The child replies "But I need to go in the bigger one". At this point I am hurrying to wash my hands and collect my things. The woman says "well some people use the handicapped bathroom even though they aren't supposed to". Oh, fuck.
I open the door, the child is in a wheelchair and both the 4-5 year old girl and her grandmother are glaring at me. Fuck fuck fuck.
They didn't say anything mean- I said "I'm sorry" before rushing around them to leave. They didn't smile, they just looked really disappointed in me, and humanity as a whole. I am a terrible person.
Not only did I used the handicapped stall and forced a handicapped little girl to wait for me to finish. I had pooped and now she had to deal with my stall and the smell I imagine I left behind.
I will never use a handicapped bathroom again. I know I will again, probably later today even, but I will feel bad about it at least until tomorrow.
I've never had a good relationship with the handicapped come to think about it. I remember in high school there was a boy in a wheelchair that hated me. I don't know why, he just did. I remember once I entered a closed in hallway and he and I were the only ones in there, all the other students were in class. I was at one end and he was at the other. I needed to go though the hallway and get to the other door to get to my class. I look at him, he looks at me. I start walking in his direction and he starts wheeling in mine. As I am walking pretending I'm not terrified, he has his eyes fixed on me and starts going faster. He is literally at one point going as fast as he can, I'm walking at a slightly elevated pace concerned because he is coming straight for me. As we get closer about to pass he shifts his wheelchair direction and goes straight for me to ram me into the lockers. Because I have working legs (not to be mean, but this guy was a dick) I was able to just move quickly enough around him so he just rammed himself into the lockers and not me. I did not look back I basically just ran out of the hallway. I would say it was a scene out of a movie, but if it is, I haven't seen the movie yet.
Wow. Good times in high school. I imagine he is in jail now. I would Facebook him to see, but we never had the same classes and I never knew his name. To his credit I was walking through the air conditioned ESOL and special needs hallway, (the 500 hallway for those of you who went to school with me) and I didn't belong there. Regardless, he shouldn't have tried to kill me. High school violence is a tragedy everywhere, even when kids don't bring guns to school.
Earlier today I went to go eat sushi. I finished my meal and paid. Before heading to Starbucks, I thought I'd go to the bathroom. I had to poop. It happens to the best of us. The bathroom in my sushi place has 3 stalls. 2 small ones and one large beautiful handicapped stall.
Since this was going to be an extended experience, I chose the handicapped stall as I usually do (even if it was just number one). It's nicer, roomier, private sink, and metal bars in case I found myself in a scenario that I may need something to grip on to.
As I am busy doing my thing, one person comes in with a child. I hear them talking. I am almost finished but not quite ready yet. They try my stall door. When they find out it's locked. The woman says "someone is obviously in there". The child replies "But I need to go in the bigger one". At this point I am hurrying to wash my hands and collect my things. The woman says "well some people use the handicapped bathroom even though they aren't supposed to". Oh, fuck.
I open the door, the child is in a wheelchair and both the 4-5 year old girl and her grandmother are glaring at me. Fuck fuck fuck.
They didn't say anything mean- I said "I'm sorry" before rushing around them to leave. They didn't smile, they just looked really disappointed in me, and humanity as a whole. I am a terrible person.
Not only did I used the handicapped stall and forced a handicapped little girl to wait for me to finish. I had pooped and now she had to deal with my stall and the smell I imagine I left behind.
I will never use a handicapped bathroom again. I know I will again, probably later today even, but I will feel bad about it at least until tomorrow.
I've never had a good relationship with the handicapped come to think about it. I remember in high school there was a boy in a wheelchair that hated me. I don't know why, he just did. I remember once I entered a closed in hallway and he and I were the only ones in there, all the other students were in class. I was at one end and he was at the other. I needed to go though the hallway and get to the other door to get to my class. I look at him, he looks at me. I start walking in his direction and he starts wheeling in mine. As I am walking pretending I'm not terrified, he has his eyes fixed on me and starts going faster. He is literally at one point going as fast as he can, I'm walking at a slightly elevated pace concerned because he is coming straight for me. As we get closer about to pass he shifts his wheelchair direction and goes straight for me to ram me into the lockers. Because I have working legs (not to be mean, but this guy was a dick) I was able to just move quickly enough around him so he just rammed himself into the lockers and not me. I did not look back I basically just ran out of the hallway. I would say it was a scene out of a movie, but if it is, I haven't seen the movie yet.
Wow. Good times in high school. I imagine he is in jail now. I would Facebook him to see, but we never had the same classes and I never knew his name. To his credit I was walking through the air conditioned ESOL and special needs hallway, (the 500 hallway for those of you who went to school with me) and I didn't belong there. Regardless, he shouldn't have tried to kill me. High school violence is a tragedy everywhere, even when kids don't bring guns to school.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)