We Are No Longer Friends- A letter to my building's janitorial guy

Dear Building Maintenance Guy/Janitor (?),

Ahh...where to begin?

I realize you think we are friends. I know other people think you are really funny. I know when we pass each other we give friendly smiles and up nods.

I was pleased when you told me you liked my perfume. I was also pleased, when I told you to stop sniffing me when we share elevator rides or passed in the halls, that you eventually stopped.

I know we share that awesome inside joke, that I think only you are in on. I think you're a twin and you always look confused when I asked if you changed your shirt mid-day. You do have a good sense of humor (but seriously, are there really two of you- we've been working in the same building over 2 years and I still don't know if you are one person or not).

I know you think it's funny, when around other people, to say really fast phrases to me in Spanish and have me turn and say "What?" to which you and your friends laugh...daily. Not getting old at all.

No one said you weren't a funny guy. That being said, here is what is not funny.

One of you (or just you-who knows?) is supposed to clean the bathroom at the end of the work day - 4:30 pm is not that time. There is NOTHING wrong with me having to go use the ladies bathroom BEFORE you clean it. So that rolling of the eyes, deep sigh and comment "and now you?!?" while you are lingering outside the bathroom door is unnecessary. This is my space and my time.

To tell you the truth, I felt rushed. I think you meant to rush me since, before I even had time to pull down my pants, you cracked the door open and said "it's almost 5:00, hurry".

When I finished, and passed you on the way out, I thought the "finally" comment you made was the last straw.

But walking into the bathroom, while propping the door wide open and overacting a scene from the movie "Backdraft" the minute you entered, was too much. I know you turned to see if I was laughing - and I know you saw I wasn't, as I was speaking to a member of the executive team who happened to be walking by.

The bathroom didn't smell, if it did, I didn't do it and regardless, the boss didn't need to think that I did.

Long story short, you've had your last hallway pleasantry from me. I'll make sure BOTH of you have. It's on...

Best-
Gisela (you LOVE to call me that)