Ok, sorry to spoil it if you read my last post, but Harriet Evans is definitely getting a hate card from me for being a pussy about Cecily's death.
It's not that I don't like the book, I just wanted it to be a little less heartwarming. Someone always dies in her books, I expect that. But to find out a supposed murder that I've been trying to predict what happened the whole book is only an accident is lame.
In this case I think H.E. wrote an alternative ending and her editor probably picked this one to be more consistent with her other books. Her editor will be getting a hate note from me too just in case that's the truth.
Ok on to my last H.E. book, "I remember you". Hopefully, this book will give me pointers since I usually don't remember anyone.
Monday, July 30, 2012
Just Don't Ask...
Common responses to questions I ask people in Miami:
Me: (in an elevator) What floor?
Other Person (OP): Yes please
---
Me: I'd like a 6 inch vegetarian sub please.
OP: OK, what kind of meat?
Me: No meat, vegetarian- just vegetables.
OP: So ham?
Me: No ham, no meat at all. It's on your menu. (I point) The vegetarian sub.
OP: Just vegetables?
Me: Yes
OP: (Just glares at me like I am a black gay man in a wheelchair with AIDS and I have just informed her that I am sleeping with her father and her eldest son- a tough cross to bare with stereotypical Cuban racism)
---
Me: Hi, can I ask you something?
OP: Que?
Me: Never mind.
---
Me: OK, so just to clarify you want this by tomorrow?
OP: See, the reason we are doing this is ... (long-winded explanation)
Me: OK, so by tomorrow right?
OP: I've got a meeting tomorrow at 3pm.
Me: Is this something you need for the meeting? So you want this finished by tomorrow?
OP: I have to take this call.
---
Me: (in an elevator) What floor?
Other Person (OP): Yes please
---
Me: I'd like a 6 inch vegetarian sub please.
OP: OK, what kind of meat?
Me: No meat, vegetarian- just vegetables.
OP: So ham?
Me: No ham, no meat at all. It's on your menu. (I point) The vegetarian sub.
OP: Just vegetables?
Me: Yes
OP: (Just glares at me like I am a black gay man in a wheelchair with AIDS and I have just informed her that I am sleeping with her father and her eldest son- a tough cross to bare with stereotypical Cuban racism)
---
Me: Hi, can I ask you something?
OP: Que?
Me: Never mind.
---
Me: OK, so just to clarify you want this by tomorrow?
OP: See, the reason we are doing this is ... (long-winded explanation)
Me: OK, so by tomorrow right?
OP: I've got a meeting tomorrow at 3pm.
Me: Is this something you need for the meeting? So you want this finished by tomorrow?
OP: I have to take this call.
---
Sunday, July 29, 2012
Love Always by Harriet Evans
"Love Always", unlike Harriet Evans' other books, is not a romantic comedy. This book is a murder mystery much in the style of "Rebecca" or even "The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo".
I am not yet finished with this book, however I'm about half way through it and I love it so far. I genuinely don't know what happened to Cecily, the aunt of the protagonist, that dies as a young teenager in the family's summer house.
I gotta be honest, I don't really care about the main character, Natasha, and her story. Although its interesting enough to keep reading, I'm really just wondering what happened to Cecily.
I will be sooooo pissed if Cecily wasn't murdered and it really was just an accident. If that happens, I am sending one of my hate cards to Harriet Evans and calling her a huge pussy. Probably the one with the fancy borders (see previous blog posts) to keep it classy. She is an author after all.
I know what you all are thinking...why all the H. E. books? To be honest, aside from liking her first book, and reading a terrible book inbetween, I ordered 4 of her books after the first one. I hadn't yet started this blog when I placed the order, and I didn't give a shit what you all thought at the time. I have one more to go after this one, then I will move on I swear.
H. E.'s characters in this book are Indian (or at least half Indian) in this book which is cool and something I thought was not quite right with her other books. All her books are based in London and London is full of Indian people. I love India, Indians, and almost all literature and art by Indians. So this book makes me happy that it's based on the Kapoor family.
Actually, at the moment, London is full of Olympians, and none of them are Indian as far as I have noticed. That's odd.
I am not yet finished with this book, however I'm about half way through it and I love it so far. I genuinely don't know what happened to Cecily, the aunt of the protagonist, that dies as a young teenager in the family's summer house.
I gotta be honest, I don't really care about the main character, Natasha, and her story. Although its interesting enough to keep reading, I'm really just wondering what happened to Cecily.
I will be sooooo pissed if Cecily wasn't murdered and it really was just an accident. If that happens, I am sending one of my hate cards to Harriet Evans and calling her a huge pussy. Probably the one with the fancy borders (see previous blog posts) to keep it classy. She is an author after all.
I know what you all are thinking...why all the H. E. books? To be honest, aside from liking her first book, and reading a terrible book inbetween, I ordered 4 of her books after the first one. I hadn't yet started this blog when I placed the order, and I didn't give a shit what you all thought at the time. I have one more to go after this one, then I will move on I swear.
H. E.'s characters in this book are Indian (or at least half Indian) in this book which is cool and something I thought was not quite right with her other books. All her books are based in London and London is full of Indian people. I love India, Indians, and almost all literature and art by Indians. So this book makes me happy that it's based on the Kapoor family.
Actually, at the moment, London is full of Olympians, and none of them are Indian as far as I have noticed. That's odd.
Saturday, July 28, 2012
Road Trip Treasures
Unfortunately, this dispenser was empty or didn't work. I really wanted to check out the "Bin Laden" condom. 
Thursday, July 26, 2012
Reunion 2
Since we last chatted, I have not participated in the golf or tennis tournaments (big surprise), however I have participated in the following:
-Water Wars- a fun game where everyone stalks each other with water guns. What's funnier than water guns squirting dry people? Buckets full of pool water being poured on unsuspecting dry victims.
- Scavenger Hunt- we team up and collect items (amazing race style). Some things we had to do- human pyramids by road signs, imitate a mariachi band with whatever items we could find. Using only our bodies, spell out our family name by a palm tree. Weave a cup, basket, or random item out of local greenery available on the island. It was roughly 1000 degrees outside so making it back to the house was the real reward it didn't matter who won. (not my team)
- Game Night- I had the ambitious idea of completing a 1000 piece Normal Rockwell puzzle after showing up to game night at least 2 hours late. I think only the borders of the puzzle were finished by the time game night was over. Not one of my high points.
- Young Adults Night (Parts 1 & 2)- nothing like teaching the future generations of college students flip cup, beer pong, kings, ring of fire, high low, etc while they are between the ages of 11-15. One great thing about house parties full of your cousins? It's not embarrassing at the end of the night to strip to your underwear and jump in the pool.
Off to play family feud with the family. I am, with the help of a few others, planning the family Olympics for tomorrow. It's the main event and it is an intimidating job... But I have plenty of hula hoops so it should go well.
-Water Wars- a fun game where everyone stalks each other with water guns. What's funnier than water guns squirting dry people? Buckets full of pool water being poured on unsuspecting dry victims.
- Scavenger Hunt- we team up and collect items (amazing race style). Some things we had to do- human pyramids by road signs, imitate a mariachi band with whatever items we could find. Using only our bodies, spell out our family name by a palm tree. Weave a cup, basket, or random item out of local greenery available on the island. It was roughly 1000 degrees outside so making it back to the house was the real reward it didn't matter who won. (not my team)
- Game Night- I had the ambitious idea of completing a 1000 piece Normal Rockwell puzzle after showing up to game night at least 2 hours late. I think only the borders of the puzzle were finished by the time game night was over. Not one of my high points.
- Young Adults Night (Parts 1 & 2)- nothing like teaching the future generations of college students flip cup, beer pong, kings, ring of fire, high low, etc while they are between the ages of 11-15. One great thing about house parties full of your cousins? It's not embarrassing at the end of the night to strip to your underwear and jump in the pool.
Off to play family feud with the family. I am, with the help of a few others, planning the family Olympics for tomorrow. It's the main event and it is an intimidating job... But I have plenty of hula hoops so it should go well.
Final Post Re: A Hopeless Romantic- Harriet Evans
I have finished this book. I have to say as much as I appreciate genuinely awesome books- I still really enjoy reading books that will not make it into the greater spectrum of worthy global literature.
This book resolved itself exactly as I suspected it would. This doesn't mean it was predictable, it just means I am extremely intelligent and am able to read authors' minds.
Whether you are a genius like me, or just someone of average intelligence, it's still a quick read that is entertaining.
I am now currently reading "Love Always" by Harriet Evans. Don't judge, I am still on vacation and these books are great vacation reads.
This book resolved itself exactly as I suspected it would. This doesn't mean it was predictable, it just means I am extremely intelligent and am able to read authors' minds.
Whether you are a genius like me, or just someone of average intelligence, it's still a quick read that is entertaining.
I am now currently reading "Love Always" by Harriet Evans. Don't judge, I am still on vacation and these books are great vacation reads.
Sunday, July 22, 2012
Reunion 1
So, as you know if you read my last post, I am at my family reunion. Once, every four years, my whole family meets in one place for a week. It may not seem complicated if you have a small family, but as I was informed today, my family has grown from my great grandmother to 153 people. We have family in Spain, England, Mexico, Peru and all over the United States.
I always look forward to the family reunion until about a week before where I freak out and start to concentrate on the clothes I am going to bring, if I've gained weight or not, and what my personal and professional life is like. From what I understand from the rest of my cousins, I am not the only one.
However, once you get here it is always a good time. I arrived yesterday (more about my cat's freaking out road trip experience later) and the first event was the welcome party. Being a Cuban/Spanish family, the kisses on the cheek are expected, the challenge is remembering if its one or two kisses. The party was a good time and the keg didn't last an hour with the sheer volume of people here.
Today was a bit more challenging. The first event of the day was the Catholic Sunday mass. The fact that I don't believe in God or organized religion makes no difference to my dad or my mom who says we go "to support your father". I support my dad in a lot of things, this particular event is a place to see and be seen. My family already thinks I'm going to hell as I don't pray on Thanksgiving or Christmas nor do I cross myself just to fit in. Although it seems out of the ordinary, this is my way of respecting THEM. Why fake something that means so much to them. Isn't it better I stay quiet and starving until its OK to eat?
Church is a whole different ball game for me. Going to a giant Catholic mass makes me extremely uncomfortable. I don't know what to say or do other than to be quiet and sit and stand when everyone else does. I cant help but to look around and think about mass brainwashing. Don't get me wrong, I am fully respectful of every one's beliefs. If religion helps you, that is FINE with me. The environment however is just something I don't understand.
We were in one church in Hilton Head, SC and there were 300+ people there. When I see that, I think about all the small churches in all the big cities and small towns locally, nationally, then globally. I think about what an easy way it is to spread disease. I think its also easy to spread a message that could be wrong. Like if every Catholic priest decides this Sunday we are going to speak about how being gay is a sin, the consequences and the outreach it would have in an hour globally is mind boggling.
It doesn't help that churches make me laugh. I get nervous and bored and I always find something funny. Last family reunion was a cousin of mine playing with his shoelaces strategically that I found so funny I was asked to step outside. This reunion it was a kid in front of me that was farting every few minutes. It was the terrible smell, mixed with the tear gas quality of the farts, and with my extreme immaturity for fart humor that did me in. I was laughing so hard I just started uncontrollably crying and had to go to the bathroom to calm myself down. Even my dad next to me was using his hat to wave away the drift wind from this kid's ass it was so terrible.
After church we had our welcome brunch. The brunch is always awesome because a PowerPoint is prepared and it covers our family"s history which inevitably always has the room in tears by the end.
After the brunch starts the real family reunion. My great grandmother had 6 kids. Those 6 kids all had kids and so on. The original 6 were given different team colors. My grandmother and her descendants (my dad, aunts, uncles and cousins) make up the blue team. So the water gun fights begin. Have a blue call someone from the red team and invite them out to lunch. The minute their door opens, everyone is soaked. Its family rivalry at its best.
We ended the night at tonight's sing-a-long outside, kinda drunk, talking to my cousins about how their kids are asking about the sex talk and how to go about the conversation. All good times.
I always look forward to the family reunion until about a week before where I freak out and start to concentrate on the clothes I am going to bring, if I've gained weight or not, and what my personal and professional life is like. From what I understand from the rest of my cousins, I am not the only one.
However, once you get here it is always a good time. I arrived yesterday (more about my cat's freaking out road trip experience later) and the first event was the welcome party. Being a Cuban/Spanish family, the kisses on the cheek are expected, the challenge is remembering if its one or two kisses. The party was a good time and the keg didn't last an hour with the sheer volume of people here.
Today was a bit more challenging. The first event of the day was the Catholic Sunday mass. The fact that I don't believe in God or organized religion makes no difference to my dad or my mom who says we go "to support your father". I support my dad in a lot of things, this particular event is a place to see and be seen. My family already thinks I'm going to hell as I don't pray on Thanksgiving or Christmas nor do I cross myself just to fit in. Although it seems out of the ordinary, this is my way of respecting THEM. Why fake something that means so much to them. Isn't it better I stay quiet and starving until its OK to eat?
Church is a whole different ball game for me. Going to a giant Catholic mass makes me extremely uncomfortable. I don't know what to say or do other than to be quiet and sit and stand when everyone else does. I cant help but to look around and think about mass brainwashing. Don't get me wrong, I am fully respectful of every one's beliefs. If religion helps you, that is FINE with me. The environment however is just something I don't understand.
We were in one church in Hilton Head, SC and there were 300+ people there. When I see that, I think about all the small churches in all the big cities and small towns locally, nationally, then globally. I think about what an easy way it is to spread disease. I think its also easy to spread a message that could be wrong. Like if every Catholic priest decides this Sunday we are going to speak about how being gay is a sin, the consequences and the outreach it would have in an hour globally is mind boggling.
It doesn't help that churches make me laugh. I get nervous and bored and I always find something funny. Last family reunion was a cousin of mine playing with his shoelaces strategically that I found so funny I was asked to step outside. This reunion it was a kid in front of me that was farting every few minutes. It was the terrible smell, mixed with the tear gas quality of the farts, and with my extreme immaturity for fart humor that did me in. I was laughing so hard I just started uncontrollably crying and had to go to the bathroom to calm myself down. Even my dad next to me was using his hat to wave away the drift wind from this kid's ass it was so terrible.
After church we had our welcome brunch. The brunch is always awesome because a PowerPoint is prepared and it covers our family"s history which inevitably always has the room in tears by the end.
After the brunch starts the real family reunion. My great grandmother had 6 kids. Those 6 kids all had kids and so on. The original 6 were given different team colors. My grandmother and her descendants (my dad, aunts, uncles and cousins) make up the blue team. So the water gun fights begin. Have a blue call someone from the red team and invite them out to lunch. The minute their door opens, everyone is soaked. Its family rivalry at its best.
We ended the night at tonight's sing-a-long outside, kinda drunk, talking to my cousins about how their kids are asking about the sex talk and how to go about the conversation. All good times.
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